


holding the pieces together

by jitters



Category: Persona 4
Genre: M/M, Post-Canon, Slow Burn, a burn so slow it has to melt first, everyone is happy in the end la la la, shadow!fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-17 20:50:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 24,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9343586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jitters/pseuds/jitters
Summary: Of all the fears Souji has learned to cope with over the course of his life, the fear of the unknown stands out as the one most difficult to overcome. Yosuke just so happens to welcome every challenge the unknown throws his way.





	1. one.

Two years after leaving Inaba for the first time, Souji finds, at least, that all of them have managed to remain friends. Even with Rise and Naoto traveling between work and school all the time, Yukiko busy with the inn, and Souji and Chie away at their respective universities, Inaba always existed as their united haven, where they all meet back up from time-to-time to catch each other up on whichever parts of their lives they haven’t shared through messages and phone calls.

There’s a comfort they find when they all get together, that can’t be found in meetings between only a few of them, and it’s for that reason that they all make a point of setting aside time whenever Souji comes back. He’s putting the most time into his studies, but he can only go so long without everyone, and there are certain events he can’t bear to miss.

One of those, perhaps one of the most significant of all, is the last graduation they’ll all get to experience. It’s the ‘end of an era,’ as some would say, as Rise, Naoto, and Kanji leave Yasogami behind, and with it all the time they’d spent their together.

It’s bittersweet, to know it’s ending while knowing they’ll all be off on their own journeys soon, and the ceremony leaves both Souji and Teddie with tears in their eyes, Chie and Yukiko with heartwarming smiles, and Yosuke somewhere between, trying too hard not to look too happy or too sad and making a show of pointing out each of his friends’ reactions instead.

Everything goes off without a hitch, and Naoki delivers a touching valedictorian speech that has Yukiko and Chie’s smiles turning to tears as well, and after a vague but easily understood mention of his sister, even Yosuke isn’t immune to an emotional response to his words.

But they all make it out with eyes clear enough to leave with dry handkerchiefs, and the first dropped tears are on Naoki’s sleeve when he uses it to wipe his eyes as he steps of the stage and finds himself greeted by congratulations from Souji and all the rest.

Despite their parents’ wishes and desires to celebrate with them, the nine of them disappear to the hilltop to discuss their future plans. Yosuke’s been working his ass off for his parents to raise money to pay for college on his own without burdening them, and Naoki’s been reading a lot about wine while going to school and working at his parents’ store on weekends, and all of his goals surround working towards making their store the best it can be. Kanji and Yukiko have similar ideas, taking control of their family businesses with pride and excitement, and Teddie is reigning king of Junes, acting as a permanent mascot for the Hanamuras’ store as long as they’ll have him. Naoto’s detective cohorts have made it easy for her to further her education while still in the field, and Chie has been kicking some literal butt in the police academy. Rise’s as busy as ever, and can only imagine how hectic things will get now that she’s graduated and will have even more time to spare.

They all have such distinct directions, it makes Souji feel nothing but proud of them, and lucky to know such amazing people who have grown so much in the time he’s known them.

But at the same time, it leaves him quiet, taking in all their excitement and confidence in their plans, while he’s still so unsure of the direction of his own. What’s more, he finds himself nervous, realizing that several of them will not be tied to Inaba so permanently anymore, and how far their dreams could take them away from here, both in physical and emotional distance.

The feeling dulls his senses, sound indistinguishable and muffling around him, almost as if he was blocking it out entirely, and before he understands it, his pounding head is in his hand, and next to him, Kanji nudges his shoulder until he comes to.

“You alright, senpai?” he asks, and Souji dismissively shakes his head as he always does, nodding quietly and waving it off as drowsiness after the trip and the emotional events of the day.

“It’s a good thing we planned that sleepover then!” Teddie says, but it instantly earns him a shove from Yosuke under the table.

“Moron, we didn’t want to make the girls feel bad. There’s not enough room in Souji’s room even if it wasn’t weird for all of us to sleep together.”

“Don’t worry, Yosuke-senpai,” Rise smiles. “We’re meeting up with Marie-chan after she finishes work to do the same thing at my place.”

“Great minds think alike, don’t they?” Yosuke winks, innocently of course, and there’s a round of chatter and casual good-byes before they all part for the evening.

Souji however, finds himself hanging back behind his friends on the walk to Dojima’s, watching them with a smile that’s both fond and longing as Kanji and Naoki joke about the new store owner between their shops, and Yosuke and Teddie gripe about an unruly part-timer they’re glad to be rid of now that he’s graduated.

He doesn’t recall feeling this kind of loneliness before, not when he’s right next to some of the people he cares about most, feeling like they’re a world away instead of mere steps. He tries not to let it get to him though, clearing his throat to remind them all that he’s there and challenging them all to a race back, leaving them sweaty and hungry when a chipper Nanako welcomes them all back home with a full dinner prepared and a smile that briefly makes all of Souji’s worries drift away.

 

* * *

  
  
A few hours later, the boys are lounging around Souji’s room, each with a different sort of book in their hands; Souji absently typing something he won’t let anyone else look at, Teddie buried in yet another shoujo manga in a series he’s been addicted to recently, Kanji with a weaving guide he’s using as reference as he begins braiding Teddie’s hair, and Yosuke, with the latest issue of the idol magazine he has a monthly subscription to. In the midst of them all, Naoki doodles at the table in the center of the room and finds comfort in silently listening to and watching all of them together. It’s not much of a celebration, with them just lying around like this, but there’s a certain peace, knowing they can all be with one another without some sense of danger looming over their heads.

From his place on Souji’s couch, Yosuke’s ears redden and his eyes begin to twinkle with excitement as they come across a spread right in the center pages. “You guys have got to see this,” he chirps, sliding down onto the floor and spreading the magazine out over the table, sitting on his folded legs and hovering over it with a smirk. They can all see from where they’re sitting, so as much as Yosuke wants their attention, he doesn’t get much movement out of anyone, but they all lay their eyes on a brand-new bikini-clad photoshoot of Kanamin Kitchen, featuring an ever-shining Risette right in the middle along with Kanamin herself.

“Jeez, Yosuke-senpai,” Kanji sneers. “You’ve met all these girls and seen their ugly sides and you still act like they’re dolls.”

“I’ve already seen these,” Souji deadpans, prompting a defensively surprised Yosuke.

“How! This issue just came out today!”

“Rise and Kanami-chan both sent me pictures from the set the day they took it.”

“Dude...that’s so unfair. How did you manage to become friends with these idols like this?”

“You say that like you’re not friends with them too.” Souji leans back in his chair, eying Yosuke with amused skepticism.

“Well, yeah, but not like that. They don’t randomly send me cute pictures of their work stuff! I want to see too!”

“Maybe that’s why,” Kanji interjects, barely pulling himself away from braiding Teddie’s hair long enough to raise an eyebrow at him. “If they think of you as a fan, they can’t give you special treatment. Souji-senpai wasn’t a fan before meeting them so there’s no pressure and they can just share their work without bein’ leered at.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty much what Rise always says. I really like seeing them have fun though, after all they went through.”

“What she _always says_?” Yosuke grimaces in Souji’s direction, shaking his head as he flings himself across the couch in defeat and tosses the magazine on the ground in a dramatic display. “You make it sound like you talk to her more than me. Who’s your real best friend here!”

“I thought it was me,” Kanji perks up, fingers roughly tugging at Teddie’s hair and causing him to yelp. “Oh, sorry.”

“That’s silly, Yosuke,” Souji says plainly, his fingers clicking away, and after a few seconds, he unplugs his earphones and turns his computer towards the rest of the room.

“Senpai~! Huh?” Rise’s voice booms through the room, causing everyone in it to turn and look at the screen, where Souji has opened a video chat app and called Rise when none of them were looking. “So you guys had the same idea we did… Say hi everyone!” Rise turns her phone around to reveal Chie, Yukiko, Naoto, and Marie waving from where they sit in a circle on sleeping bags behind her.

Everyone in Souji’s room follows suit, waving and muttering their greetings at the girls while still going about their business. That is, everyone but Yosuke, who’s sitting up at attention the second he feels their eyes on him, picking up the magazine again and pretending to read it.

“Rise, who’s my best friend?” Souji asks outright.

“Huh? It’s not Yosuke-senpai?” She seems confused, and rightfully so, especially considering the confused look the person in question is giving the screen right back.

“See, Yosuke?” Souji smirks, wrist flicking his hand over, palm up, as if presenting these facts is something any of them should be impressed by. “Are you satisfied now?”

He’s fighting a shit-eating grin, but Yosuke is too embarrassed to find any humor in it right now, so all he does is throw his magazine right at Souji’s face and call him an idiot. Souji likes that just as much.

“Rise, Yosuke wants you to send him him more private pictures.”

“Dude!” If he hadn’t thrown it already, Yosuke would’ve hit Souji with the magazine at that point, but instead finds himself almost tripping over Naoki as he clambers to reach the computer screen and defend his point. “This guy made it seem way creepier than what I actually said--” What point?

Souji swivels his chair around again, facing the screen with Yosuke now hovered close over his shoulder and a bewildered Rise staring at the two of them through the much tinier screen on her phone. “Way creepier?” Souji questions. “You were jealous that I got to see those bikini photos.”

“ _Dude_!!” Yosuke screeches again. “Not because of the bikinis!”

“That’s what he says, anyway,” Souji nods, meeting Rise’s gaze and knowingly smirking along with her. “You be the judge.”

“You’re both unfair,” Yosuke whines, running a hand through his hair as Rise bursts into laughter on the other side of the screen, where they see her collapsing comfortably in a plush chair, and the others’ voices fade into the distance.

“You’re still buying my magazines, Yosuke-senpai? That’s so cute.” _Cute_ , Yosuke cringes, not finding it to be the most complimentary word in this context but waving it off just the same. “I’ll remember you next time I send Souji-senpai something then.”

“Really?” Yosuke’s head lifts up with a bright lilt in his voice, and Souji holds up a hand to his mouth so it’s blocked from Yosuke’s view, mouthing _He’s so easy_ and prompting her to stick out her tongue with a wink. Though the context of their secret message is unknown to him, this exchange doesn’t go totally unnoticed by Yosuke though, and he’s quick to flick Souji in the shoulder with a huff. “This is why I switched to Kanamin~” he teases, smiling through the scandalized gasp from Rise’s mouth and picking up his magazine again and opening to the same spread, finger hovering over a random point in the text. “We even listen to a lot of the same music and eat the same foods. It’s meant to be!”

“You don’t really believe that do you?” Souji raises both his eyebrows at that one, face genuinely surprised instead of judgmental. “Those questionnaires would never be enough to decide something like that for me.”

“Aw, senpai, you mean you never check your favorite members’ answers to see if they match up with you? That’s so boring!”

“That’s not a realistic way to look at love, Rise.” Souji turns his back to the guys and focuses right on the screen now, blocking it for all of them at this point, but at least leaving the volume loud enough to hear Rise’s voice still.

“I know, I know. You’ve seen all the ins-and-outs so you know the answers are usually fake.”

“There’s that, but that’s not what I mean either.” Somewhat wistfully, he rests his chin on his hand, a thoughtful expression painting his face as he cocks his head to the side.

“Then, what do you mean?”

“Someone being ‘perfect for you’ isn’t about making a checklist and waiting for someone who can tick each of them off. It’s when… They’re exactly what you need, but you won’t realize you needed them until they show up and fill all the spaces in you that you didn’t know were empty. Someone who… You could never have imagined beforehand like that, because you had no way of knowing someone like that existed. I think that’s what love is.”

A hush falls over the room, and Rises shining eyes soon turn dreamy, leaning her mirrored wistful head upon her hand and staring longingly into the screen. “That was beautiful, senpai.”

Souji shrugs and waves it off, shyness hitting him in the form of a faint redness to his cheeks. “It’s just what makes sense to me.”

“It makes sense to me too,” Naoki speaks up, for the first time in a while, and it’s surprising enough that everyone turns to him in surprise, which only grows when he pauses a beat and proceeds to succumb to a fit of chuckles, the likes of which most people have never had the pleasure of seeing.

“What’s so funny…?” Kanji queries, as he puts the finishing touches on the final braid on Teddies head, patting it and fluffing his hair.

“I’m sorry for giving you such a hard time back then Souji-senpai,” Naoki shakes his head, eyes disappearing behind his amused smile. “I think you just perfectly explained why everyone seems to be at least a little bit in love with you.”

He says it like it’s nothing, and though Naoki’s always had a sharp tongue, it surprises even Souji, who finds himself unconsciously taking in an equally sharp breath and lifting a protesting hand. No one’s sure what exactly to say to that, especially not Yosuke, who suddenly feels like his legs are either made of gelatin or concrete, unable to move but feeling as if they could give out at any moment.

“T-that’s kind of a bold exaggeration, don’t you think...” Yosuke barely flinches, but Naoki shakes his head just as innocently as he had before.

“No, I don’t think so,” Naoki says softly, but without any hesitation, shifting closer to Kanji and peering at the open page in his text, fingers lightly brushing over one of Teddie’s new braids. “Kanji-kun, I’m impressed you were able to weave hair as skillfully as you do fabric.”

They quickly get lost in a conversation of their own, even managing to get Teddie involved once Kanji pulls out a mirror and gives him a good view of his work, but neither Souji nor Yosuke can shake off such a comment so easily.

“He’s kind of right, senpai,” Rise giggles, and Souji’s slow turn back towards the screen is interrupted when he meets Yosuke’s eyes along the way, and Yosuke’s legs _do_ finally give out, something he’s lucky to be able to play off as a dive onto the couch, arm hanging off and ruffling Teddie’s hair just enough to send the three on the floor into a panic before making sure his hairdo wasn’t damaged.

Souji puts it out of his mind. “How do you mean?”

Rise strums her fingers along her chin, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “You just have this way of being...exactly what people need. We all gravitated to you because of it. You’re like a chameleon!”

“Heh, is that so,” Souji laughs, just barely, but Rise’s word choice has him feeling uneasy, like he can’t shake the words off the tips of his ears or from the pit of his gut. For reasons he can’t explain, it drains his energy, and his arm stretches in a yawn at the same time that Teddie finds himself doing the same thing just a few feet away.

“Aw, tired already senpai?” Rise whines, but her voice is gentle, and Souji has to wonder if she’s secretly tired too, behind her greater desire to talk to him. “I’ll let you go then. But don’t forget to call tomorrow, okay!”

“Of course I won’t forget Rise,” Souji nods. “Say good-bye everyone.” There’s a chorus of lazy good-nights from both sides of the screen, and Souji closes his laptop, unconsciously rubbing his eyes in a sudden burst of exhaustion, and he’s in a sleeping back on the floor before he even realizes what he’s doing.

“Whoa, you okay?” Yosuke reaches out an arm, pulling it back when he catches sight of his own hand nearing Souji’s shoulder and feeling self-conscious about it for the first time in a while.

“Just tired,” Souji says. “Sorry for ruining the mood.”

“No, you didn’t-- Hey, shouldn’t you be the one sleeping in your own bed?”

“Mm, you and Teddie can share it,” Souji waves casually, and before Yosuke can protest that any further – or Teddie’s delighted sounds of agreement – Souji’s head is on the pillow and he’s drifting off to sleep, leaving his friends to figure out the rest of the arrangements on their own.

Teddie does try to drag Yosuke into bed with him, resulting in an unnecessary quarrel in which Yosuke wonders why Teddie even has a right to the bed in the first place, and Kanji questions if Yosuke would rather share with him instead. Yosuke insists he’d rather not have to share with anyone at all, and that is taken as an unspoken agreement between Teddie and Kanji, who somehow manage to squeeze onto the bed together and force Yosuke onto the couch.

In all the scuffle, Naoki had quietly and very willingly taken comfort in the sleeping bag next to Souji’s on the floor, and after huffing about his own sleeping arrangements, Yosuke finds himself eyeing the two of them with jealousy. Not for their position; Yosuke, despite his outer layers of defense, knows deep down that he doesn’t _really_ have to question Souji’s friendship. Instead, it’s Naoki’s ability to act and speak how he wants to, without any care for what people think of him that Yosuke envies.

Narrowing in on that thought, it occurs to Yosuke how much Naoki grew from meeting Souji, and how much his influence had helped him. He’d been such a big part of Yosuke’s life at the same time, that he’d even go as far as to say it’s thanks to Souji that he and Naoki are now friends, instead of the enemies Naoki had once claimed them to be. Naoki has probably always understood that, Yosuke thinks, as he pulls a blanket over his head, turning away from the sight of Naoki and Souji’s backs.

Naoki, Yosuke suspects, understood a lot more than he ever let on.

 

 

* * *

 

After deafening dreams he can’t seem to remember once he opens his eyes, Souji wakes to a room still dark and quiet calls of ‘Sensei~’ whispered directly into his ear. It almost feels like he’s still dreaming, until he waves his hand over the tingling in his ear and swipes fingers across Teddie’s nose, very real and present.

“Wh-- Time is it?”

“I don’t know… Everyone else is still sleeping though.”

“Including the sun?” Souji croaks, yawning himself awake and sitting up to meet Teddie, finding that the blond doesn’t seem so willing to joke around, even if he is wide awake in comparison. “...What’s wrong Teddie?”

Teddie rubs his palms on his knees, head down in a shyness Souji almost finds foreign, but his jaw is tight in determination. “I had a weird dream. A scary one. I thought the bad feeling would end when I woke up but it’s still here.”

“Oh...” Souji lifts up the corner of his sleeping bag. “Do you want to sleep with me?”

“Ah...” Teddie hesitates. “I’d love to, but… Wait, it’s better if no one else hears.”

Souji’s caught mid-yawn, when Teddie grabs him by the hand and pulls him up onto his feet, tip-toeing into the hallway and looking both ways to make sure no one is around. Souji’s barely awake, but Teddie seems unperturbed by the way he’s rubbing his eyes. Souji concedes. “Teddie, what’s going on?”

“Sensei,” Teddie hushes, voice more serious than Souji has heard in a long time, not since they’d met in the Velvet Room so long ago. “Something’s wrong… Over there.” Even just hearing those words, Souji stills, having put that sense of fear behind him for enough time that he felt a sense of security that he’d never have to worry about it again. He tightens his lips, angling towards the door and facing his back towards his room, a pointless attempt to block anyone from hearing them. He nods, signaling Teddie to continue. “There’s someone over there, but… I must be reading them wrong. The sensation is so strong I can’t shake it off, but it can’t be right.”

“Why Teddie?” Souji blinks, hands clasping on Teddie’s shoulders. “Who is it?”

Teddie frowns and wrings his hands together. “...You, sensei.”

They’re words that have haunted Souji’s dreams, in the past. It was hard enough facing versions of his shadow that weren’t even real, but the idea of having to face them has often been the source of his nightmares, and there’s nothing he can do to prevent the instant sinking feeling in his stomach when he hears them, Teddie’s eyes wide with concern.

“Sensei…? What do you want to do?”

Souji pauses, for only a few seconds, holding up a finger to his mouth and urging Teddie to whisper when he seems to have come to a conclusion. In a move Teddie would recognize as deft, Souji opens the door to his room and reaches for his sword, clutching it in his hand, and grabs Teddie’s with the other as he swiftly pulls him down the stairs towards the front door.

“Let’s go.” Souji offers as a suggestion, with every intention to bolt out of here without anyone noticing their disappearance, and Teddie is without any power or desire to stop him. Souji does stop to make sure they both put on shoes and jackets, but is otherwise unconcerned with dressing in any proper clothing, figuring that pajamas are still appropriate attire before sunrise. After they sneak past the early-morning stockers, Teddie allows himself to be dragged into Junes’ electronics department with nothing more than a single yell of protest before Souji hushes him. He’s gotten more careless about it over time, but Souji at least remembers to make sure no one’s looking in their direction before he takes hold of Teddie’s hand and jumps into the TV without warning.

When they land on their feet, Souji feels the atmosphere shift, his skin and eyes no longer used to the surroundings after so much time has passed, and even after he puts his glasses on, it takes a few moments for his knees to stop quivering and his ears to stop ringing.

“Sensei?” Teddie asks for the 10th time, finally reaching Souji after trying to shake him into reality. His bear form lacking any opposable thumbs makes it more difficult, but he manages to reach him once he resorts to giving Souji a gentle shove.

“It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?” Souji muses, pushing up his glasses with a smile in such a typical manner that Teddie offers him a smile right back.

“Sensei, are you sure it’s a good idea for us to be here without everyone else? We all made a promise not to go in alone after last time...”

It’s not as if Souji’s forgotten, and his softened stance and hand rested on Teddie’s head assures them both of that. “I’m not alone, Teddie, I have you. We’ll get in and out so quickly no one will even notice we left in the first place.”

“That might be hard, sensei,” Teddie rubs his head. “I don’t know what it means but your scent is bear-y strong in here. My nose might be out of practice but I know sensei’s scent when I smell it, and it’s all over the place! It’s like there’s an army of you!”

Souji looks around, fog thick enough that even with his glasses he can tell that Teddie’s guidance is a necessity, and he gives a surrendering nod. “Take me to the closest one.”


	2. Chapter 2

As it turns out, finding the first shadow doesn’t take long.

The two of them don’t get more than three steps ahead before a figure cartwheels out in front of them in a flash of gold and white, and when it settles into a standing position, they’re both taken aback by a strange version of Teddie’s human form standing before them.

At least, it looks like Teddie at first glance; blonde hair and white Junes shirt and black pants, the trademark red flower the topping on the outfit and a flamboyant pose to punctuate the ensemble. But this figure is much too tall and its eyes are yellow instead of blue, and the more Souji focuses on the face, the more he realizes--

“Sensei, he looks just like you!” Teddie waddles up to the stranger, using his low height to his advantage and peering up curiously. “Aw, it’s a wig. Your shadow’s playing around!”

“Shadow?” Souji blinks, both surprised and put off by how casually this seems to have happened, how little fear or apprehension either of them seem to be feeling in the presence of what would normally be considered an enemy. He reaches out to touch it, but the shadow quickly assumes agile mannerisms again and does a back-flip away from Souji’s hand, clinging to its wig in a crouched position when it lands.

“Don’t touch!” The shadow shouts, in what is unmistakably Souji’s voice. “I’m not playing around. This appearance is cute. Everyone loves Teddie when he looks like this. Teddie stands out, so maybe I’d stand out if I looked like Teddie...”

It sounds so innocent that Souji almost can’t believe he’s watching these words come out of his own mouth – well, sort of – but instead of shame or regret, Souji finds himself chuckling, holding his stomach and looking over at Teddie, who seems to be so happy that his feet are bouncing unconsciously.

“Sensei, you really think I’m cute?”

Souji nods. “Of course. I didn’t stand a chance against you in the pageant. There’s a reason everyone finds you so charming. My looks don’t stand out much, but I’d be lucky to be as cute as you.”

It’s difficult to tell through the costume, but the way Teddie’s sputtering, Souji is able to anticipate the hug that the bear immediately throws at him, knocking him over onto the ground and causing Souji to laugh once more.

“What, that’s no fun!” His shadow calls, somersaulting towards them and making a blubbering face close to what Souji can imagine is happening inside Teddie’s costume at the moment. “You can’t just give up your inner thoughts and secrets that easily! Then I’ll have to disappear!”

Souji stares, wide-eyed at his shadow, inexplicably comforted by the weight of Teddie’s furry body on top of him, similarly staring with curiosity as the shadow whines in their direction. “Inner thoughts?” Souji questions him.

“Teddie is lucky,” Souji’s shadow pouts, kneeling on the floor with his hands on his legs, fingers curled inwards. “Teddie knows who he is now. It may be simple and he may not be human, but he knows who he is! Simple is good… Teddie feels what he feels and thinks what he thinks and never questions any of it anymore… People love Teddie for exactly what he is because he has nothing to hide. Teddie’s amazing… Teddie’s lucky. I want to be like Teddie. No past to hide from or future to be afraid of. Teddie’s just Teddie.”

“Stop talking like that--” Souji interrupts the shadow, fist balled as Teddie himself climbs off and eyes Souji sympathetically. “It isn’t cute when it comes from me, heh.”

“I think it’s cute,” Teddie frowns, standing with his paws on his face and shifting his eyes between Souji and his shadow. “I never thought someone like you would think so much of me, sensei.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, Teddie,” Souji muses with a soft smile, stepping before his shadow and patting Teddie on the head as he passes. “I’ve always thought that being Teddie would be a lot of fun. He enjoys every day because he sees it more purely than the rest of us. He’s like a kid who never has to grow up, and I’ve been jealous of him for that…” Souji reaches out his hand, waiting for the shadow to take it before he pulls him up onto his feet and ruffles his hair, yanking the golden wig off his head when he has him distracted. “But that’s not realistic of me. Teddie is always growing too. I have to accept growing up and figuring out who I am is a part of life… Even if I don’t always like it.”

“I don’t always like it,” the shadow pouts.

“I never like it,” Souji admits, head hanging as he ruffles the wig in his hands, and after a moment, he puts it on his head, stuffing his hair all the way inside and turning towards Teddie, flashing a peace sign. “How do I look?”

“We’re like twins!” Teddie beams.

It makes Souji laugh, and makes him wish he had a mirror, but the shadow crosses its arms, frowning adamantly until Souji turns to face him again. “You’ve never met my parents, Teddie, but they treated me like an adult really early on. You remind me of the kid I never got to be. A few times I considered jumping in that bear suit with you and never coming out.”

And it still feels like a desirable idea at times, like when assignments pile up on a list too long, or when the deadlines are approaching too quickly, or when days on his calendar fill with overlapping schedules he isn’t sure how to juggle. In those moments, Souji sometimes thinks of Teddie, and how his lack of legal identity absolves him of so much.

But Souji isn’t Teddie.

As unfortunate as it is, Souji knows that, and reality brings him down from his joyous delusion, the wig vanishing from his head when he turns toward his shadow and waits for its anticipated nod.

Instead, Souji’s acceptance causes his shadow to trap him in a sudden tight hug, arms gripping Souji so tightly he feels his breath stolen from him, until the shadow too disappears, leaving behind a floating card of the star arcana in front of him. When Souji takes hold of it, the usual sensation overcomes him, but there’s something else too, a tingling in his head and hand and a flash before his eyes.

When everything calms, the tingling spreads, and Souji feels a spark inside him when he turns around and looks at Teddie’s bewildered face in front of him.

“Sensei’s shadow...” Teddie sighs, paw scratching where his chin would be. “I thought it would be more exciting than that. But it’s just like sensei to be more calm and collected than everyone else.”

“More exciting?” Souji thinks aloud, body still tingling in a way he doesn’t recognize despite all he’s experienced in this world, and the feeling strengthens when he looks at Teddie, a slight waver when he looks in specific directions. “Hold on… Wait here.”

Not waiting for a response, Souji jogs down a pathway, just enough to put Teddie out of distinct sight but still within shouting distance. Even though he can’t see him, Souji somehow senses exactly where Teddie is, and with a deep breath and eyes closed, Souji imagines himself back at the entrance, and the dumb grin on his face is genuine when he opens his eyes and finds that’s exactly where he is.

He hears Teddie’s shocked screams, but Souji’s too excited to bother with them yet, and jogs twice as far away this time, so much he can’t see or hear Teddie anymore. But he still senses him, further in the distance but still identifiable. He wills himself back to the entrance once again, and this time he grabs Teddie’s head with both hands when he arrives. “Teddie, your powers are so cool.”

“My powers!” Teddie yells, both out of understanding and surprise, and takes an intimidated step backwards. “You have my powers?”

Heart racing, Souji lifts his hand and turns it around, seeing no difference at all but distinctly feeling one. “Kamui-Moshiri,” he whispers. “I feel it. Your persona.”

“That’s amazing, sensei… Now it’s like you don’t need me at all.”

The realization hits Souji how correct Teddie is, and he closes his fist, a long silence hovering between them until Souji kneels on one knee in front of his friend. “There are still more shadows… This one was underwhelming like you said, so I think I’ll be fine with the rest too. Especially now that I can get back safely on my own… Maybe you should go back and let me take care of it.”

“No way,” Teddie growls. “Then you’d really be alone. You made a promise.”

“It’s different now. Being alone isn’t as dangerous anymore. As long as I accept every shadow until they disappear, I’ll be fine.”

“But sensei--”

“Right now we’re both in here without telling everyone where we went. You need to go back and make sure no one gets worried. Don’t tell them I’m in here… If it gets too dangerous I’ll get out as soon as possible.”

Souji’s quite persuasive, and Teddie lacks the expression to argue back, especially when he’s making good points and when Teddie is so confident in his abilities. He has no footing, and what’s worse, he’s sure he couldn’t win a true argument with Souji even if he tried his hardest, so Teddie gives in, and presents Souji with the one and only Goho-M on him just in case, before he leaves him with a solemn wave.

There’s an excitement that washes over Souji when he finds himself standing there alone, with new powers surging through him that he now has the perfect opportunity to play with. It almost quenches the fear that comes along with the ever-present knowledge that each step brings him further from safety, and the constant awareness of how much louder his footsteps feel on the ground when there’s no one else around to fill the silence.

He doesn’t understand it, but Souji feels where to go, and though he feels shadows pulling him in multiple directions, he knows the safest bet is to head towards the nearest one and take care of them one by one.

It can’t be that difficult, can it? He knows already how badly things go when they start denying their shadows. And Souji finds himself lucky enough now to not have anyone to hide from or feel embarrassed in front of. As risky as it is, being alone may be an advantage in that regard, and though that knowledge doesn’t calm Souji’s nerves entirely, it makes things seem much less intimidating. Logically, that is.

Logically, none of them should be any sort of threat.

Logically, Souji knows, he should have nothing to worry about.

But shadows aren’t as fond of logic as Souji is.

 

* * *

 

As easy as it is to sense them now, the walk towards the next shadow isn’t any shorter thanks to his new skill. If anything, it seems to be getting further away with each step, direction changing every so often and leaving Souji confused, temptation too strong for him to avoid testing out the abilities Teddie had given him. Through trial and error, Souji discovers with great disappointment that a quick way back to the entrance is the only teleportation he’s capable of, something he realizes too late to prevent the significant drain in energy after several attempts.

He shouldn’t need any magic, not if he plays this the right way, but it’s not worth the risk of leaving himself empty and exhausted, so he decides to conserve every last bit of it, and relies on his physical strength to carry him on.

He breaks out into a run towards the nearby shadow this time, concentrating on nothing but the sensation that draws him towards it as his feet tap against the long empty corridors. The running does help, he finds, and no longer feels like it’s out of his reach. The fog around him begins to fade, and in the mist he spies another figure shaped exactly like his own body – thankfully without a disguise. More chilling, he notes once the fog clears that he’s inside the Amagi inn, standing at one edge of the long hallway, walls lined with doors to individual rooms, while his shadow cowers at the other end.

“You,” Souji calls after it. “Stop running and face me.”

The shadow gasps, turning to Souji in a state of panic and flinging out its arms, and Souji can see that it’s holding a folding fan between its fingers just before it shoots a ball of fire out of it, a near-miss that Souji is lucky to duck away from in time. “Stay back!”

“Why?” Souji asks. “Shouldn’t I be the one running from you? Don’t you have something you want to say to me?”

“Not so fast...” The shadow drops its head, looking solemn instead of threatening, but Souji knows better than to underestimate any of them after everything he’s learned. “How can you protect me if you can’t even protect yourself?”

It’s cryptic enough that it isn’t a proper warning for Souji, and when the shadow spins into a fouetté turn, the fire that flies through the air towards Souji is faster and more finely aimed, and he’s unable to dodge quickly enough to walk away unscathed. The hair atop his head singed, and sweat on his forehead, both nothing compared to the burn he feels across his cheek where the fire had scraped past it, forcing him to waste another precious amount of energy on healing himself. So much for conserving.

“What is it I need protection from?” Souji bites, hand clenched into a fist that he presses into the floor to push himself back onto his feet. “What sort of threat would make me feel so weak?”

“I don’t know!” The shadow barks back, instantly hiding its mouth behind its hand. “Nothing. Everything. Anything! It’s not about danger!”

“Then what is it about?” Souji halts, feet planted to the ground in an adamant refusal to get closer than he needs to, knowing what kind of power is ready to set him ablaze at any moment.

The shadow kneels, curling in on itself until it’s all the way down into a sitting position, legs folded over one another and arms bent across his chest to tuck his hands under his biceps. “If someone truly loves you, they’ll protect you from anything. If they can’t do that, what’s the point!” Like guns from holsters, the shadow pulls both hands out, now brandishing two fans instead of one, and it staggers their fire, and even with Souji’s deft reflexes, he only stands a chance against one of them.

He successfully dives out of the way of the first flame, but he braces himself for impact for the second. Only it never comes.

At the last instant, there’s a flash in front of him, and Souji looks up to a splash of water across his face instead of the fire he was expecting. Frantically wiping his glasses and face, he sees through his blinking another of his shadows in front of him, ironically acting as protection. “Sorry, I guess my ice shield melted on impact!”

The shadow laughs and throws up another, just as the shadow in the corner is racing towards it with both fans out, and a stream of flame that twirls and extends all the way down the hallway, so hot that Souji cover his face on instinct. The nearer shadow continues with its defense, and through gaps in his fingers he can see the ice shield grow to twice the size of his body until it melts at the same instant it extinguishes the stream of flame.

“Protecting others is much more satisfying,” it laughs, energetically bouncing from foot to foot in a way that seems just like--

_Oh._

It’s all beginning to make sense now.

The fire-savvy shadow draws closer, shooting swift, tight flames towards Souji’s other shadow instead of Souji himself now, but the ice-friendly one is quick to fend off each and every one of them with quick bursts of ice that line up perfectly with them. Each move between them meet as if they were mirror images of each other, equally powerful and leaving both shadows standing upright without any negative effect.

“Needing someone else to save you from everything is weak!” One shadow smirks with a triumphant roundhouse kick through the air. “You really feel a sense of self-worth when you know someone else is weak enough to need to rely on you instead.”

“What good is that self worth if you don’t have anyone who’d do the same for you!” The fiery shadow spins again, pirouette higher this time and more aggressive, but with the emotional distress overcoming the situation, it fumbles on its toes and crashes to the ground with a frustrated cry as its knees hit the floor.

The icy shadow’s face hardens, raising its arms and readying an attack, but already Souji is concerned enough to not want to see any more. He wipes the mixture of water and sweat from his face, setting a hand on the shadow’s shoulder from behind and giving him a nod when it turns around.

“Both of you stop,” Souji says sternly. “If you’re both parts of me, why are you fighting each other like this? You’re two opposites, how can you exist in the same person?”

“You should be asking yourself that!” The shadow cries from the floor.

And Souji does.

He pauses there, wondering when exactly that started, when his own thoughts began to confuse him and leave him so unaware of what it is he truly wants. So many of his childhood years were spent letting things happen to him without question, and after a while, without consideration for how he’d really felt about them. Putting up a fight, he learned, was never a good idea.

“Meeting everyone here gave me a reason to care about myself again,” Souji thinks aloud, stepping between the shadows in hopes of stopping their fight. “They think of me as a hero, and it’s not like I don’t know why, but I’ve always felt that they saved me more than I’ve ever saved them.”

His steps are hesitant, as are the words hanging just beyond his lips and struggling to make their way out, but Souji is earnest when he takes a hand from each of the shadows and joins them together, placing his own hand over their clasped ones.

“I need both sides. Both of you. I need the reminders that they’ve all done so much to protect me and always will, and that I’ll always do the same for them. That’s what true friendship is about. It’s not one-sided, it can’t be. Even if I don’t know which role defines me, I won’t stop fulfilling both.”

Souji’s shadows look at him and then at each other, and nod, all four hands joining together in a tender embrace that causes the ground to lightly shake, atmosphere fogging up again as the two are surrounded by a flurry of flames. A strong shield of ice forms around the fiery vortex, but instead of melting in the heat it collapses in on itself, a force strong enough to push Souji back and out of the way of the blast.

Silence follows, and Souji watches as two tarot cards fall from above and into each of his hands. This time, he knows exactly what it means when he grips them, and feels Chie and Yukiko’s ultimate powers take shape deep within him.

 

* * *

 

When he opens the sliding door to exit the inn, what he finds, instead of the aesthetically vibrant scenery he’s used to, is the tiny, dark back room of the police station, a room that sends a chill up his spine on sight, the memories of his last visit so vivid despite how long it’s been. The room is lit only by the single lamp, shined on the table in the center, where another shadow with Souji’s body sits with his legs crossed. There sits Naoto’s signature cap on his head, and a childish superhero cape around his shoulders, and when Souji takes a closer look, he notices the gun resting in his lap.

“Infantile.” the shadow whispers into the light. “Thinking no one would take her seriously if they knew who she really was. As if being underestimated is so bad… She should try the opposite.”

“Don’t speak ill of Naoto,” Souji interrupts him, stepping around the side of the table and adjusting the lamp, facing it upwards so it better lights the room and stops creating unsettling shadow puppets on the wall. “She’s been through a lot.”

The shadow cocks his head to the side, gripping the edges of the cape and flinging it back, enjoying the sound it makes and following it with a flourish. “Sure.” His index finger slips through the trigger hole of the gun, and the shadow spins it repeatedly, making Souji feel uneasy. “But what a different life you’d have, if you knew what it was like to be underestimated. For the rest of her life, she gets to know the feeling of proving people wrong, and have that be a good thing.”

Souji’s eyes close, and both of his hands grip the handle of his sword, giving it a slow, defensive swing. “You mean my parents.”

The shadow nods. “It’s so much worse, having all these expectations you can’t live up to, and feeling that crushing guilt every time you fail to do it. It would be much easier to be someone else. Either someone incapable of disappointing anyone, or someone so useless that no one expected anything of them-”

“That’s childish.” Souji’s words are surprisingly harsh, and it almost feels like someone else said it even as the words come out of his mouth, and he bites his lip, hushing his protests. He’s good at that.

“Maybe. But who ever said you were so mature? No one who knows the truth would.”

That cuts through Souji like a blade, a discomforting twist in his stomach and a lump in his throat accompanying the lift of his sword, the sight of the gun in his mirrored self’s hand still keeping him on edge and acutely aware of its position at all times.

This doesn’t go unnoticed to the shadow, who climbs back up onto the table, legs raised and setting against the chairs so his position is a crouched one as he gazes at Souji with pity. “Relax, I’m not going to shoot you. As if you’d ever have the guts to point a gun at another person, you chi--”

“There’s nothing childish about not wanting to hurt anyone!” Souji surprises himself by how defensive that makes him, but he can feel his blood pressure rising for reasons unknown, and suddenly having a weapon in his hands seems like something as uncomfortable as being without one, so he tentatively sets it on the cot behind him, locking eyes with his shadow, who scowls.

“Violence is pointless and ineffective. Anyone wise knows that emotional trauma leaves scars that plunge deeper and last longer than any physical trauma could.” It stings, the way the shadow speaks its truth, but even worse, how he seems to sound just like Naoto when he says it, saying words he knows she’d never utter. But maybe he would. Maybe that’s scarier. The shadow watches Souji carefully, and upon seeing the darkening color under his eyes, seeing how this whole ordeal is already draining him, it smirks, and slowly raises the gun, pressing the barrel to its own temple.

“ _Stop_ ” Souji whispers harshly, without the shadow ever threatening or making a single following move.

It smirks. “Why does this make you so uncomfortable? There’s no reason to fear it unless there’s a part of you – even the tiniest scrap of you – that might secretly consider pulling the trigger.” Souji chills. It makes him sick to his stomach to even hear the words, and he turns away, taking a deep breath through his rushed swipe for his sword, which he uses in his lunge towards his shadow, silencing it.

“Hm?” It raises an eyebrow, unperturbed by the tip of Souji’s sword now pointing at his throat. “It seems I’ve struck a nerve.”

“No. I’d never… I would never.” His voice is biting, deeper than he thinks he’s ever stretched it before, his throat scratching from the sheer effort at which he pushes that insistence out of himself.

“Really?” The shadow questions, incredulously eyeing Souji without a single waver in his gaze or in his voice, and he removes the gun from his head and points it at Souji instead. It aims right between his eyes, his index finger hovering over the trigger, teasing it. “How do you feel now?”

That’s enough for Souji. All it takes is a deep breath and he’s in full battle mode, knocking the shadow’s arm at the crook of his elbow, attempting to knock the gun from his hand but the plan backfires; the shadow’s finger already having such a strong hold on the trigger results in an unconscious pull, the natural clenching of his fist when attacked by Souji, and the gun goes off, shot so loud in the tiny room that Souji drops his weapon and falls to his knees where he stands, covering his ears with his hands and shutting everything out.

The shadow whistles in amusement before it kneels down in front of him, reaching out to admire the rip in the bicep of Souji’s jacket, finger tracing along the bloody scrape between the cuts of fabric. “I wasn’t even going to shoot you. See what panicking gets you? You know better than that.”

_You know better than that._

The words echo through Souji’s mind so deeply that they resonate through the world around him, and he’s reminded of his parents, and how often they’ve used those words against him. It has him still, holding his palms clasped over his ears until the ringing stops and he can finally look up at his shadow indignantly, pushing up his glasses with a flourish.

“Have you forgotten so easily? If it’s a fight you want, I’ll give it to you. But we all know how this ends.” Souji grinds his teeth, shoe planted on the ground as he pushes himself onto his feet so he can stare his shadow down instead of letting it do the same to him. The shadow is right and Souji knows it – this won’t end until he’s acknowledged him, and even though Souji is confident in the strength he’s built over time, he can’t risk going into a fight alone with no one to heal him if something goes wrong. He can’t delay it any longer without risking potential injury.

“I guess I used to want an escape,” he groans, voice weakened by the stress piling on him through the admission. “It wasn’t like that. You’re right. I was childish. All the expectations and the pressure, and everything my mind threw at me. I thought about the easiest way to make it all stop at once.”

The shadow follows Souji onto his feet, calm now, tossing the gun between his hands with ease, and as Souji’s eyes hyper-focus on it, it looks more fake than it had before, hollow and meaningless, threat seemingly neutralized altogether now that he’s acknowledged it. The shadow seems satisfied, and covers the gun with both of his hands, crushing it with ease and balling it up into a sphere of light, which absorbs the shadow itself, and after a flash it transforms into a card just like the previous two, and Souji knowingly takes it in his hands.

But now he’s aware, of the silence around him and the concrete walls, and more importantly, of how worn out he is, and of the blood trickling from the wound on his arm. With no more than a single Goho-M in his possession and his energy reaching its limits, he begins to question whether or not he can really go on like this. He knows the answer to that is no, but that only fills him with a different kind of dread – knowing he has to let someone in.

Going home to sleep is impossible. He can’t let a day pass without this taken care of, whatever it is, and if he makes an effort to go into town to get supplies, he’d be spotted by enough people to draw attention that would force him to explain what’s going on to more people than he’d ever be comfortable with. His options here are limited, but he knows what he has to do.

He makes his way out of the police station, but instead of the inn on the other side of the door like he’d expected, Souji feels an intense, humid heat wash over the area, and it has him sweating. Whatever it is, it has to wait, and Souji uses his one and only Goho-M to summon himself back to the entrance. He only goes as far as the other side of the TV in Junes, not taking even a single step outside the electronics department and dialing Rise’s number with shaking fingers.

He almost feels guilty when she answers with a voice so excited to hear him that he’d find it hard to believe they’d seen each other only the day before, and Souji has to collect himself before begging, his voice hushed and serious. “Rise. I need your help.”

Rise’s excitement transforms into nervousness so quickly that Souji can almost feel her disappointment through the phone, but there’s no hesitation when she replies, “Of course, senpai. What is it?”

Souji beckons her to Junes, regrettably refusing to explain over the phone and requesting her hurry in comfortable clothing and to not mention it to anyone. That part is hard for her to accept, knowing very well they’d all agreed not to keep secrets from each other like this, but at Souji’s begging, she eventually agrees, and meets him right in front of the TV within minutes.

Before she has a chance to say anything, or even greet Souji, he holds up a finger to his lips, taking her hand in silence and jumping into the TV with her, and it isn’t until they reach the TV world again that Souji gives in and shows Rise his injuries. “Can you heal me?” he requests before he even gets a proper greeting out, and Rise audibly gasps when she sees the blood dripping from his arm.

“Senpai what happened!?” Her shocked voice rings through the entrance hall, causing Souji to laugh and shrug at her, but Rise hurries to summon her persona and thoroughly heal him to 100% before asking a single question.

“Thanks,” he nods, running a finger over where his cut seems to have disappeared completely, and dons a cocky grin. “Too bad you can’t use your powers to fix my jacket too.”

“What’s going on, senpai?” She ignores his jokes, helping him onto his feet and holding both of his biceps in her arms, refusing to break his gaze or let him avoid the question.

“I don’t know,” Souji confesses truthfully, even if that does make him feel even worse about it. “Teddie came to me and told me he sensed me in here even though he was with me outside. Ever since I got here I keep encountering my shadows. The last one was tougher than I thought it would be...”

“Shadows, plural? You do have all those personas, I can’t be surprised you’d have more than one shadow too...” Closing her eyes, Rise holds onto him, taking a few long, quiet breaths and returning to a level head when she looks at him again. “Whatever Teddie was sensing, I think I sense it too. It’s like I can feel your presence around me even though you’re standing right in front of me… There are more shadows, aren’t there?”

Souji nods. “Based on what’s happened so far, I can guess there are probably three more.”

“And...you called me?”

Souji takes both of Rise’s hands and moves them from his arms, clasping them together between both of his own. “You can watch over me and protect yourself without ever having to fight. I’ll feel safer here if you’re with me.”

“Wow...” Rise blushes, cheeks beaming bright red and staring at their hands, feeling a strong intimacy between them that she’s always craved, always looked forward to. “Alright senpai. You’ve always protected us, so of course I’d be happy to return the favor...”

“I’d love to get both of us out of here as soon as possible… Can you help me find the next one?” He keeps his new powers a secret, for now.

Rise does just that, turning her senses on high and locking her aim on Souji’s essence, trying not to let it affect her that he’s standing right next to her. Eventually she locks on, and with a skip in her step, she pumps a fist and eagerly leads Souji towards it. “Let’s get him, senpai!”

With an amused smile, and stress already melting away now that Rise’s bright smile and comfortingly chipper demeanor has joined him, Souji follows, sticking close to Rise’s side until they reach the area he’d last left. The door he’d come out of, connected to a darkened police station, is now locked, with no sign of opening. Fine with Souji. He has no intention to visit that room ever again.

The humidity takes over again, sweat forming at Souji’s temples and similarly affecting Rise, who keeps quiet but can’t help but wipe her brow with her sleeve. There’s no street to accompany it, but intentional streetlights spring to life, flickering weakly with dull bulbs and revealing the front of the textile shop, and Souji knows. By now there’s no question, that he’ll be paying a visit to shadows addressing hidden feelings regarding each of his friends, but the understanding doesn’t come with any sense of relief. It’s easier said than done, acknowledging these things, and Souji is beginning to regret thinking it would have been so easy, when he’d watched all of them do the same.

Inside the textile shop, the walls are lined with handmade goods and stuffed animals, all crafted by Kanji’s hands, and the bright and playful colors would be a friendly sight were it not for the that that the room is totally empty. Save for a single folding chair in the center, on which sits another shadow wearing Souji’s appearance – and nothing more than a towel around his waist.

“Welcome~” The shadow drawls, brandishing a rose seemingly out of nowhere and bringing it up to his nose to sniff it. “I’ve been waiting for you. I see you brought a guest.”

Souji already doesn’t like this one.

Embarrassing it may be, neither Souji nor Rise feels particularly threatened even in the presence of a shadow, and Rise even goes as far as to chuckle, hiding her shy smile behind a hand. “I’ve never heard you talk like that, senpai.”

Souji knows better than to be so easily fooled though, and knows better than to let his guard down no matter how amusing Rise finds this appearance.

“We’re not here to play,” Souji calls to the naked, foreign entity. “So don’t get any funny ideas.”

“That’s too bad,” the shadow strides towards them, slipping right past Souji himself and sidling up towards Rise, tipping a finger under her chin and lifting it, face narrowing in on hers. “There are so many games I could think of for us to have fun with.”

“Senpai...” Rise visibly tenses, her face flushing a deep red surely due to more than the heat, as she slowly trails her eyes over towards Souji.

It’s embarrassing enough for Souji to see himself acting like this, but for someone else to be present for it only makes that feeling worse, and Souji, for once, feels entirely out of his element. But Rise’s eyes are pleading, and that’s what has him more willing to put his sword between the two of them. The shadow instantly lurches back, eyes bright and open and mouth agape.

“Hey, I’m a lover, not a fighter,” it jokes, but it gives Souji little comfort.

“Just tell me what you want,” Souji snaps. “Let’s get this over with. It’s not like I don’t recognize your appearance – but I’m not about to debate my sexuality in front of Rise when I don’t--”

“We both know that doesn’t matter to you. Girls, guys, what difference does it make? You treat everyone the same and anyone could see that. Kanji really had the right idea there too...”

“Too?”

That questions plays right into the shadow’s intentions, and he seems to brandish a drink out of nowhere, swirling it in his hand as he strides in a circle around Souji and Rise’s stiff bodies. “We’re more like Kanji than anyone would think. That craving for acceptance is so familiar, isn’t it? But ours is much more selfish. Kanji was so lucky, to have desires so simple. Acceptance from anyone, right? So selfish, how you’ll never be satisfied unless you’re accepted by everyone.”

“You’re right. But there’s nothing wrong with wanting that.”

Unaffected by Souji’s quick agreement, expecting no less of him, the shadow takes a sip from its drink and ignores him, humming as he returns to where he’d previously been seated. “Are you sure about that?” he wonders aloud, tossing his drink into the air until it disappears completely, picking up the chair and turning at an angle so it spins under his finger. With a swipe of his hand through the air, the backdrop changes, and a curtain drops from behind the shadow, bringing a dull smoke-like substance onto the floor and covering their feet.

Souji and Rise step back, watching in awe, as the curtain then lifts, spotlights from an unknown source shining down right in the center, where the towel-clad shadow has now disappeared, and Souji’s shadow, another one he groans, stands behind a microphone. This one is dressed in the LMB outfit he’d donned during the festival, and that’s all it takes for him to know exactly what this one’s all about.

Before it has a chance to open its mouth, Souji opens his, turning towards Rise and putting his body wholly between her and the shadows, blocking her view completely. “Rise, you don’t have to stay and listen to this if you don’t want to. You can still keep me safe from a different location.”

Rise isn’t buying his protective act though, and purses her lips with a sympathetic softening in her eyes. “That shadow’s going to talk about me, right?” Slowly, Souji nods. “And we’re friends, right?” He nods again. “Then I’d rather know everything it has to say. You don’t need to hide anything from me senpai. Bring it on.”

As many times as Souji’s done it himself, as many times as he’s told his friends and acquaintances the same things, it almost feels like a lie when he hears it, but he keeps that to himself. If anyone but Rise had said so, he isn’t sure he would have believed them. He keeps that to himself too.

But Rise is stubborn, in all the bad and good ways, and right now Souji can’t deny that he’s thankful to have her at his side, so he accepts defeat against her and backs up, standing shoulder-to-shoulder with her and facing the new makeshift stage with anticipation.

“Does that mean I can start now?” The spotlighted shadow asks innocently, and Souji would swear that he hears Rise stifle a giggle. “Good! I’ve always wanted to put on a show for my biggest fan.” With that boisterous statement, the shadow winks and points out his hand directly towards Rise, beaming and sticking the tiniest tip of his tongue out of the corner of his mouth.

Rise’s stifled giggle turns into a full-on fit, not unlike the ones Yukiko suffers from at any appropriate occasion, and Souji’s face begins to prominently display the warmth that he’s feeling, which he attempts to brush off by pushing up his glasses and wiping the condensation from the lenses.

“I definitely am your biggest fan, senpai,” Rise laughs, the sound filling the room and making it hard for Souji to take this as seriously as he knows he should be.

“I’ll be taking requests!” The shadow declares, diving off the stage and landing on his feet, sliding on his knees while dragging the standing mic with him until he lands right in front of Rise and holds the mic up to her. “So what’ll it be, Rise-san? A song? A hug? A kiss? Or maybe something more?”

Though Rise blushes, she’s still chuckling, which helps her keeps her wits about her even in the affected atmosphere of the steamy shop. “Thank you, but if I had any of those, I’d rather they come from the real senpai.” It’s a surprisingly professional answer, and Souji makes note to compliment her on knowing how to act like an idol even when it seems like it would be impossible to.

The shadow is far less impressed though, immediately scowling and using the impossible strength of the mic stand to push himself up onto his feet and turning his head away in a huff. “’Real.’” he scoffs. “You think he’s so _real_? Is it _real_ if he only does those things when he thinks the other person wants it? He tried so hard not to have any that he doesn’t know how to act on his own desires.”

The sudden turn in the shadow’s behavior takes both Rise and Souji by surprise; Rise silenced by the aggressiveness of the words, and Souji stunned by how deeply they cut through him.

“Oh?” The shadow raises his eyebrows at Souji. “Was that too _real_ for you? It’s about time.” He slides an arm around Rise’s shoulders and rests against her. Rise’s back stiffens in response, but notorious yellow eyes aside, it does look exactly like Souji, and it becomes clear rather quickly that she may not be as strong against a shadow that looks so much like someone she’s so guilty of having weakness for in any other situation. “He has a real gift, doesn’t he?” The shadow whispers to her, stroking the soft curve of her cheek with the pad of his thumb, eyes gentle as they land on her. “A gift for knowing exactly what people need and adapting himself to give them every last bit of it.” The shadow inches closer, Rise’s face delicately resting in his hand, and he can feel her sharp inhale as he stops just short of pressing their lips together, pulling away with a flourish. “It’s just like an idol, isn’t it? Knowing exactly what people want from you and how to please them. Being desperate to please them because you can’t be you without it. But that in itself is a weakness.”

Souji remains silent.

“Chameleons have a base color to start from, to return to after each transformation. It makes sense that you would too.” The shadow gives a tug at his collar, pulling open a button on his shirt in the process, and Souji can’t help but give the shadow a paranoid glance as the sweat drips down his back and has his shirt sticking to his skin. “But therein lies your fear, does it not? If you’ve spent all your time saturating your colors to please others, why would they be pleased with the parts that weren’t made for them? Maybe Kanji had the right idea in rejecting everyone before they had the chance to reject him. Maybe Rise was right to try and throw it all away.”

In Souji’s hesitance, it’s Rise who speaks up through that, unable to stand idly by when words so personal to her are being flung about. “Senpai knows it’s impossible to throw any part of yourself away!” She shouts at it, even despite the small distance between all of them. “Even if it doesn’t feel authentic, it is… Risette didn’t feel like the real me, but that was only because I was hiding the rest...” Tired of talking to the shadow instead of the person himself, Rise mimics Souji’s earlier move and stands between him and the shadow, blocking it from view as she meets Souji’s eyes. “Senpai, listen to me. Everyone has times when they act a certain way to make someone else happy. But that’s because we want them to be happy… If that’s the case, doesn’t it make sense it’s something inside of us that loves them that knows how to do that? It can’t be fake if it’s from inside of you.”

Souji’s eyebrows knit together, and in a strange serentity despite their surroundings, he sighs with a faint smile, resting a hand on Rise’s shoulder. “You understand me better than I gave you credit for, Rise.”

“You’re supposed to figure this out on your own, you know!” The shadow calls from over Rise’s shoulder, waving a hand with the other resting on his hip, elbow leant on the top of the mic stand.

“I know,” Souji nods in the shadow’s direction, approaching it with his sword extended, and before he gets too close, he uses it to swipe through each button on the shadow’s shirt and tear it open, leaving its chest exposed. “Rise lending a hand might be cheating, but so is this.” With no warning or explanation, Souji begins to un-button the shadows pants and pull down the zipper, immediately prompting Rise to run between them and stop Souji’s hands with her own.

“S-senpai, are you one of those guys who’s always wanted to do weird things with their clone?”

“Wh--…?” Confused and ignorant to the implications, Souji just shakes his head and takes a firm grip on both the shadow’s pants and jacket, fistful of clothes in each hand, and he gives the shadow a swift kick, knocking it out of its clothing and onto the floor. After tossing the clothes aside, Souji confidently smirks, gesturing a hand at his shadow face-down on the floor, naked outside of the towel – the same one as earlier. “I knew it was the same one.”

The sweat drips from Rise’s forehead as she watches the toweled shadow shift onto its hands and knees, the towel hiding very little in the end from their unfortunate angle, and she momentarily considers summoning her persona just to give herself a shield to hide behind, but ultimately settles for covering her face with her hands and aggressively clearing her throat. “Two in one?”

Souji nods. “Something similar happened with two of my shadows earlier because they were making me aware of opposing thoughts.” He rubs the back of his neck, looking off to the side. “I guess there’s more going on in my head than I realized.”

Rise snickers. “I think all of us could’ve told you that.”

Souji’s almost ready to start joking with her, but there’s still a shadow in front of them, and one that’s a short step away from naked at that.

“It would be so much easier~” The shadow whines, collapsing once again, onto his behind this time, pouting and dropping his hands into his lap with a drooping head. “It would be so much easier to say to hell with everyone else and stop worrying about whether or not they’d accept me.”

“Yeah, it would,” Souji agrees flatly, crouching down and flicking the shadow’s forehead. “But friendship isn’t always easy. You stay friends with people because you love and care about them, not because it’s easy. It’s not easy for Rise to be here with me, but I know she’s here because she’s my friend.” He smiles up at her with that, but is quick to re-direct his attention to the shadow he’s already noted as the most annoying so far. “Friendship takes effort, and it’s through effort that I’ll be able to see who my true friends are. As troublesome as it is, you’ll be the part of me that will always remind me of that. Thank you.”

The shadow softens, its whining now quieted by Souji’s resolve, and in a final move, it crawls along the floor to where the folding chair had been abandoned. He uses it to climb to his feet, and also moves to grab the abandoned mic stand with a free hand. He throws it up into the air, and in a dramatic twirl, uses the folding chair to swing at it like a bat. There’s a tiny explosion, punctuated with what he’d swear is a bolt of lightning striking through the mic itself, before both items and the shadow evaporate into the air, leaving two tarot cards drifting down through the steam.

Souji catches them both in his hands, and feels their powers pulsate through him as soon as he clutches them tightly between his fingers. There’s something different this time though, and he gives Rise a long, thoughtful look before he speaks. “Huh...” Souji grins a bit, his shoulders heavy, body drained, but somehow, he’s happy. “Is this what you feel all the time? It’s like I can feel what you’re feeling… Or, what everyone is feeling?”

Somewhat solemnly, Rise nods, hands folding once again behind her back and her fingers nervously twiddling. “It’s a gift senpai, but sometimes it’s a burden too. You know exactly what I mean, right?Feeling the weight of someone else’s emotions… It’s not something to take lightly.”

Souji grips his empty hand, fingers curling into his palm and tightening, a long sigh reverberating through him as he bows his head, forehead resting against his fist in a moment of contemplation. Rise watches him, a newfound connection between them now that their power is shared, even more directly than the familiarity she’d found with Yamagishi and Mitsuru. Her cheeks warm at the thought, at the knowledge of her having something shared with him that no one else has, that no one else _can have_ , and she finds comfort in standing in silence with Souji, knowing exactly what he must be feeling and being able to understand it in a way no others can.

They are still in the textile shop – at least, whatever this otherworldly version of it could be called – so Souji looks around the room, until he spots what looks like an antique sword on the wall. He rips it from its place and spins it in his hand a few times, pleased by the light weight, and feels confident in his decision as he holds it out for Rise to take. “Just in case,” he explains.

Unlike Rise though, it’s not comfort he’s feeling. Dread, Rise feels secondhand, similarly written across Souji’s face in a way that causes Rise to step back in surprise. “Senpai…?”

Souji deadpans, shaking his face vigorously enough that he wills all evidence of emotion away, and he waves Rise forward, his sword dragging along the stage and leaving scratch marks on it, which Souji pays no mind to. She follows as they pass through the backstage curtain, which opens to a dark street, illuminated only by the neon hum of the lights on the building at a dead end. With a sharp inhale, Souji turns all the way around and faces Rise dead-on, swallowing thickly before his warning, “I have your powers now, so I should be able to get back on my own and keep myself healthy at the same time. You should go back, you’ve been here long enough already.”

“And you’ve been here much longer than that, senpai,” Rise retorts without missing a beat. “Do you really think I’d leave you here alone knowing that? We don’t even know what’s going on.” Her steps are short and quiet as she steps in, hushing herself for no one but the two of them. “I know why you don’t want me to come. Chie-senpai and Yukiko-senpai had to face the things they thought about their best friends in front of people too, and I can’t imagine...” Rise’s face drops, hands now folded in front of her and lifting up to her chest, pressed against her heart. “But I’m here for you. You always try to do everything alone, even though you don’t have to. I’ll keep watching over you.”

Defeated, both by the convincingly sweet argument and his own state, too tired to fight the point either physically or emotionally, Souji gives in, clasping a hand over Rise’s and patting it, sharing a few seconds of silent eye contact before he takes another long breath and turns down the empty road. The Junes sign looms above them, shadows cast off the letters seeming darker than is reasonable due to the absence of proper light, and a chill runs up Souji’s back with the thought that they may not be the kind of shadows he initially assumed.

Ignoring every unnecessary thought that plagues his conscious mind, Souji enters, the sliding doors opening for them with the swiftness of the real ones, and the music that plays upon reaching the sales floor is so purely a copy of the original that it leaves Souji unsettled. It’s easier to deal with this world the further from reality it seems, but the way everything has played on his sense of comfort in every location they’ve passed, has Souji questioning what the shadows’ goal really is.

The aisles are florescently lit, theme playing through the speakers, but there’s not a person or shadow in sight, not a single voice or grumble, not a scuffle of feet or tumbling of boxes. It’s empty, but alive, and the juxtaposition has Souji wanting to turn and run.

“Boring, isn’t it?”

The voice comes from behind, yet again, and this time Souji turns to find a version of himself standing with his arms raised, folded back behind his head, kunai in each hand and headphones around his neck. Souji says nothing, even when the shadow pulls the headphones over his ears and spins the kunai on his fingers, and Souji wants desperately to bite how those don’t belong to him. But his tongue has been taught to bite itself when those thoughts arise.

“At least, that’s what Yosuke would say,” The shadow sneers, and strides into this fake-Junes with confidence Souji only emulates. “Do you envy him, or resent him for that? He had so much hate for this place. There’s nothing here but people. The same people, who never leave, and never change. It was so boring, compared to the city… Hah.” The shadow laughs and spins a kunai through the air, catching the sharp end with his palm and raising an eyebrow at the black blood that trickles from where it cut through his skin. “But you...” His eyes meet Souji’s, pity the only emotion Souji can feel from them, and it makes him queasy. “You’d give anything to have that be your problem. To have the same people in your life for that long, never leaving, never changing. Never being taken away from you, never disappointing you.”

Rise lowers her weapon too, a sympathy growing through her as she begins to realize how little she really knows about what Souji’s life was like before them, and it’s guilt that follows, because she’d never bothered to ask, and if these shadows have all emerged from it, she can only guess that no one else ever did either.

“Boring~” The shadow repeats, stepping on a box of produce and climbing a tower of them like stairs, as they stretch themselves out like Tetris pieces to follow his steps. “You saved him from that boredom, did you? What a joke… If only he knew how _boring_ you really were.” Losing fire in his steps, the shadow begins to slow, cocky smile turned upside-down as he looks down at Souji from above. “There are so many people in the city. But they’re all numbers to you. Yosuke doesn’t have to know what that feels like. He was popular, wasn’t he? He had friends to leave behind. Names to look at in his phone contacts. If they forgot about him, that’s their loss, not his. At least he took those risks. What did you do? You’re like a g--”

“A ghost.” Souji breaks his rant, finishing the shadow’s sentence without hesitation. “That’s what you’re getting at, right?”

“Senpai...” Rise raises a hand, resting it on the back of Souji’s arm and holding it there. “You’re not--”

“I am,” he laughs through a harsh breath, self-deprecating, turning to Rise with a convincingly calm expression. “I guess I did always kind of think Yosuke took that for granted. He had a life to leave and people to grow apart from. Me, I just...Picked up and left. Over and over. I didn’t even know what it was like to keep checking my phone hoping for something like he did. Yosuke complained about his parents doing that to him and all I could do was think about my parents.”

Souji looks down at the ground, a frustrated drop of his eyelids before he turns around and addresses his shadow, stepping onto the boxes the shadow had climbed and following them up in an identical pattern, facing him straight on.

“It’s true that I might have resented Yosuke for hating a situation I knew he was lucky to have… But I know it’s not his fault. Just like me, he thought it was out of his control and resented his parents for taking that control away from him. I should’ve met him halfway instead of making it all about me and keeping it to myself at the same time. I should’ve known that being best friends means sharing our troubles instead of comparing them.”

With one final, ostentatious spin of both of Yosuke’s kunai, Souji’s shadow nods and throws them both into the air with a flourish, mimicking Yosuke’s traditional spin as he lunges up to kick them, and in a whirlwind not unlike what Souji would imagine a tornado feels like, the room spins and the shadow disappears in the breeze, leaving Souji with another card floating in front of him. Upon grasping it, he feels Susano-o’s presence, the room around him settling and exposing a quivering Rise, who despite her own strength, had been taken aback by the gusts of wind throwing things about the room.

Without so much as a passing second, Souji hops down and meets her side, arms wrapping protectively around her. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine senpai,” Rise chirps, standing and resting her sword over her shoulder. “But I have to admit I’m a little surprised. I thought you didn’t want me to see because your shadow was going to reveal something more... _intimate_ than that, eheh.”

At first, Souji pulls back, surprised by how bluntly that came out when he wasn’t expecting it, but at the same time, it feels like such a natural comment from her that he responds just as naturally, humming, “Shadows only come out to address things I haven’t acknowledged yet.”

Rise’s face goes blank, but her “Wait, huh?” is cut off by the roar of the ground beneath them, as it begins to crumble, bringing the walls of the Junes down with it, and Souji grabs Rise by the hand, rushing out the door at full speed, and where they’d previously stood on a paved road, they now find themselves standing on the blackest substance they’ve ever seen. The world disappears around them, every room they’d entered thus far falling to bits into the black nothing below and disappearing from sight as if it had never existed in the first place. The sound is almost deafening, and they hold each other until the rumbling stops and all goes quiet, the sound of their shallow breathing the only one they can make out.

There’s nothing in any direction, not even any sign that direction exists, as they’re surrounded by nothing but darkness, so deep that their eyes have nothing to adjust to – because there’s nothing there. They can see each other, but just barely, and each step seems like a gamble, and after only a few seconds, Souji can’t take any more of it.

“Rise, give me your sword,” he requests, and once it’s in his hands, he breaks the handle off, the wooden edges jagged and uneven, and with the power of Amaterasu he casts a weak agi spell, lighting the edge of it like a torch.

“Whoa, senpai,” Rise blanches, impressed and having set aside her previous concerns for the time being. “You really think of everything...”

As if testing that idea, Souji begins to walk, picking a random direction and sticking to it, hand stretched out in front of him until he finally hits something, running his hand along a hard surface until he can only conclude that it’s a wall. Arm touching Rise’s shoulder as he passes her, he moves in the opposite direction until he reaches another, and then a third direction until he reaches that one. Cornered by three sides, Souji deduces the situation in the same way he could trust Naoto to, if she were here with them. “We’re supposed to go this way.”

Rise takes the makeshift torch from his hands and carries it, so Souji can defensively raise his sword, fully prepared for things to go horribly wrong at any moment, and the two of them carry on.

As the walls get more and more narrow, the hall behind them seeming to disappear with every step, Rise’s breathing becomes more shallow, and the hair on the back of Souji’s neck stands at attention. He’s never known Rise to be fearful of anything, but when she drifts up against his back, hands hooking around his arm with her face down, he can feel in her unsteady heartbeat and uncharacteristic silence that this is not no joke, for her. It’s no sneaky move, no plea for attention. She’s scared. Souji had held his sword in front of him up until now, waiting for shadows to come from any direction, but neither can sense them anywhere. They’re alone on a level that he’s convinced no two people have ever been before, with so much emptiness surrounding them, so much nothingness, and Rise is scared. He drops his weapon at his side, tightly clutching it in his hand, but only for assurance, and he slides his arm out of Rise’s grip and around her body instead, holding her close with a stoic look forward. It’s a silent promise – _I’ll protect you_ – and their newly shared power helps Rise to understand that without him saying so.

Their steps get heavy, each one feeling longer than the last as the darkness around them gets blacker, but the strangest part is how it seems to get colder as well, raising goosebumps on Rise’s skin and pushing her hollow breaths to shiver. There’s a swift breeze, seemingly deliberately aimed for their torch, because it’s the only thing that moves as it blows through and dulls it, causing Rise to sigh and abandon it on the floor. Souji doesn’t hesitate to remove his jacket and wrap it around her, but it’s just as he does so that the silence is interrupted, and there’s rustling just ahead of them that has Rise taking in a sharp breath.

“Let’s go together,” Souji whispers without looking at her, hand dropping next to hers and soon gripping her hand with hopes that she can’t feel the slight tremor that travels down his arm. She nods with a thread of their fingers, and her steps fall in line with his as they dip into the darkness together.

But once the chill hits them, they don’t get far before there’s what sounds like the snap of fingers, and a blinding light fills the space around them, forcing them to cover their eyes as they struggle to adapt to it. When it seems to steady out, Souji looks around to discover the wall is made of nothing but mirrors, each and every one of them cracked to varying degrees, each and every one of them only showing a warped or damaged version of his face when he looks into them. Souji stares into one in particular, which has cracked into a V-shape that splits his face into three separate triangles, one of them blurry in a way that makes it almost impossible to identify.

“Hard to recognize, isn’t he?”

It’s Souji’s voice, but he hasn’t opened his mouth, and both he and Rise know who it is without having to look, so Souji holds his ground, turning slowly towards the voice and focusing his eyes on the figure beside them. Unlike the rest, this one looks exactly like Souji, and much less threatening, no weapons or differing clothing, and his yellow eyes are the only thing cluing them into the fact that he’s a shadow.

“You afraid of me, Rise?” It addresses her, and though her back tightens, Rise takes strength from it, she steps away from Souji for the first time, planting her feet firmly in front of him, between the two Soujis, and locks her gaze on the shadow with balled fists.

“No. Even a fake version of Senpai would never hurt me. I’m sure of it.”

The shadow smirks and leans off the wall, facing her dead on with a hand in his pocket. “That’s true,” he acknowledges. “But that’s the problem, isn’t it?”

Rise stills. “Huh?”

“There isn’t any part of him that wants to hurt you. Any of you. Strange, isn’t it? Is he really that desperate...”

Rise steps back, finding that the calm nature of the shadow is so unfamiliar that it’s more intimidating than when they’re angry. At least then, she knows they’ll have to fight them. This, this is strange, unsettling, and Rise doesn’t know what to do. So she stares, and listens, while the shadow continues.

“He still writes to Adachi. Did you know that? Keeping a friend like that...this guy can find the good in anyone. But don’t let that fool you. There are plenty of bad thoughts in his head. They’re just all directed at himself.”

It’s Souji’s body that stiffens at that, loosening the grip on his sword to the point where it falls right out of his hand, clanging on the ground with a loud enough echo that Rise jumps, stumbling back into the arms of Souji’s shadow, who catches her without hesitation and releases her with as much tenderness.

Souji feels sick in his stomach looking at that, his mouth opening wide before his shadow holds up a hand to it and shushes him.

“Listen, first? You need to hear this, and really hear it, even more than your friends do.” Souji closes his mouth, his eyes, clenches his fists, and steps in behind Rise, the warmth of her back a comfort as he bites down on his lip and nods, the shadow’s expression softening when he has their permission. “You slipped up earlier. You let out your secret without knowing it. That speech about love… Hah. You really do love them all, don’t you? It’s fascinating...”

Souji’s face tightens, but something in his heart stirs when he hears those words, warmth filling him and dulling the goosebumps on his arms, and he wraps both around a shivering Rise from behind, tow two of them staring down the shadow across from them with more curiosity than fear.

“They all love you too, you know. You might not fully realize it, but I think you’ve felt it. It’s almost symbiotic… It really is as you said. You became what they all needed so easily, because they did the same for you. It’s too bad you needed so many things...”

Rise softens in Souji’s arms, no longer threatened but feeling a recognizable sadness come over the both of them, the kind Rise remembers from the first time she faced the parts of herself she didn’t want anyone to know about either. Souji, still, says nothing, listening as he had promised.

“Someone to respect you as much as Kanji does, someone who admires you as much as Teddie. Or wants you as badly as Rise, or understand you as well as Naoto does. It’s a long list. But Yosuke’s need for you, or for what you represent for him, is the one you worry about the most.”

“Don’t--” Souji starts, his voice cracking in a way that has even Rise look up in surprise, sliding her fingers against his arm out of a natural desire to comfort him, even if she isn’t entirely sure she wants to hear all of this either.

“Getting past another layer, are we?” The shadow shakes his head, face registering more disappointment than anything else. “It’s a sore spot because it’s the door to all the things you try not to think about. Sure, he needed you. But did he really need you? Or would anyone else have sufficed? You have no way of knowing. Had some other guy blown into town in your place, would things have gone exactly the same for him? _You’ll never know_.”

“I...” Souji drops both his arms, reluctantly releasing Rise from the hug he’d trapped her in without any conscious direction, stepping back and away from the both of them until his back hits a mirror behind him, and it hits Souji that he’s now surrounded by them on all sides, circular room trapping them inside the hundreds of cracked images. It makes Souji’s head hurt. But the shadow doesn’t stop.

“He’s doing just fine without you now that you’re gone. Everyone is. It’s only a matter of time until they get so used to being without you that they forget about you completely. And then who will you be?”

“Stop--”

“No one. You’re nothing without them. If they forget you, it will be as if you don’t exist.” His movements as identical to Souji’s as can be imagined, the shadow steps in closer to Rise and takes her hand, at which Rise only stares in confusion, unable to reject someone she knows and feels is Souji himself, even if he is an unfamiliar part of him. “He’s never been good at making friends,” the shadow explains, voice soft as if it were only the two of them there, leaving Souji to stare, dejected. “He moved around so much that after a while it became easier to keep everyone at arm’s length and never get close to them. It’s easier to leave when no one will miss you.” That last part is directed over Rise’s shoulder, spat directly at Souji, their eyes meeting, and the shadow frowns when he notices that Souji’s are beginning to water. “You’ve never told them, have you? That you haven’t made any new friends since you left. Not real friends. They’d realize how pathetic you were if they knew why.”

Rise’s head snaps away from the shadow and towards Souji, now slumping to the floor from exhaustion, and she kneels down in front of him, pushing the hair out of her face. “Why, senpai?”

Souji doesn’t answer, but the shadow never gives him a chance to try. “He’s scared that if he makes any new ones, it would be like replacing all of you. And if that happens, it will remind him how easily you could do the same to him. Replace him, just like that.”

“Senpai...” Rise’s voice is gentle, but the look in her eyes is less so, torn between sympathy and frustration.

“Why else do you think he runs to Inaba every time he has a free day? There’s no one for him to stay in the city for. And he likes it that way. It means he can pretend you’re all doing the same for him. It’s--”

“Pathetic.”

The word comes from the real Souji’s mouth, and the shadow falls silent for the first time, both eyebrows raised and stance relaxing, waiting.

“I know it’s pathetic. I’m so afraid of losing them all that I’d rather keep the delusions alive in my head than acknowledge the possibilities of letting them go. Even if it means being alone in reality.”

“Senpai, stop!” Rise interjects, climbing onto Souji’s lap and wrapping both of her arms around his neck, head falling over his shoulder and resting against his, her hug tight and loving. “You’re not pathetic. Everyone’s afraid of losing someone, or something. But we’re not going anywhere. I’m not going anywhere. Even if we make new friends, no one will ever replace you. No one will ever be you, senpai… You’re not replaceable.”

“Rise...” Souji looks at her, and in a moment of vulnerability, both of his arms wrap around her, and he allows himself to let go, head falling heavy onto her shoulder in a brief moment of comfort, before they both hear the shadow sigh behind them.

“He believes you,” the shadow assures. “You’re the only one he believed wouldn’t change your feelings about him after seeing all of this.”

Rise pulls back, fingers tentatively brushing Souji’s bangs from his eyes so she can look directly into them, palm pressing to his cheek to force him to look at her too. “I appreciate that, senpai. But please don’t forget everyone else. Naoto-kun thinks about how you’d approach every case she has. Kanji-kun makes you presents all the time. Teddie can’t go a day without mentioning you. Chie-senpai uses you for inspiration in all of her goals, and Yukiko-senpai works so hard knowing that you’re supporting her even when you’re apart. Yosuke-senpai is so proud to call you his best friend, you have to know that… Everyone you touched here holds you in their hearts and doesn’t want to let you go. Have faith in us.”

Souji stares, wide-eyed at Rise’s calm and collected face, her sweet voice and attentive physical affections calming him and lulling him into the sense of security he’s grown used to with her.

“Your shadow already said it, didn’t he? We love you, senpai. Don’t doubt us. If you start to… Whenever you start to doubt us, just call! Let us remind you! I promise everyone will be happy to!” Confident, Rise pulls away and stands up, turning around and taking pointed steps in front of Souji’s shadow, staring him down. “You’re not weak for having worries or questioning yourself. You’re not weak for being afraid or lonely. You shared your strength with all of us, and we will always do the same for you. You don’t have to hide the part of you that needs us.”

Behind her, Souji finally stirs, standing strong on both feet and putting himself between Rise and his shadow, hand held out to shake its hand as he looks into his own face. “I’m not alone as long as I have my friends. I’ve been childish and selfish, keeping to myself how their importance was affecting me. They’ve lent me their power so many times, and given it to me today, and I need to learn that I can use it and lean on them, instead of pretending I’m strong enough not to need it.”

Souji’s shadow nods, and shakes Souji’s hand, and at once the flash of light encompasses the room again, forcing him and Rise to blink and wait. This time when they open their eyes, the room looks almost the same, but each mirror has repaired itself, the entire rounded room now one single mirror with both of their reflections looking back at them. In the mirror behind Souji, Rise smiles and removes his jacket from around her shoulders, placing it around his with a playful wink and a laugh.

“I kind of like taking on this role, senpai. Maybe you should let me protect you more often.”

That prompts a laugh from Souji, but he’s tired, so very very tired, and it’s a strain on his body with every breath. Despite everything, he’d never voice this fact, because acknowledging his vulnerability is a hell of a lot less difficult than broadcasting it. Instead, he masks it with a suggestion, “Let’s go home, Rise,” he says, and she nods, summoning Kanzeon.

“Huh...” Rise’s face twists, and she lets her persona go, back into rest, as she moves to the mirror wall and presses a hand to it. “The exit… Our exit, right back to the TV in Junes. According to my readings, we’re already here.”

Understanding what she’s getting at, Souji presses both of his hands to the opposite side of the small room, sliding his fingers across the surface in search of, frankly, anything. If there were any imperfections in the surface, they’d surely have seen them just from looking, but Souji knows better than to assume anything in this world, and that pays off when one of his hands goes right through the center, just as it does through the TV. Grabbing Rise’s hand, Souji pulls her inside, through more blinding light that seems to last too long, and when they emerge from the nothingness, they find that they’re at the entrance to the TV world, the one they’ve always used.

“You’re both okay!”

Souji thinks he must be hearing things, when Yukiko’s voice echoes out, but before he can turn around, he’s being tackled by Teddie, uncharacteristically in his human form at a time like this, and the rest of their friends are right behind him.

“Sensei, please forgive me! I know you said not to tell anyone where you were, but it’s been a long time, and everyone was getting worried...”

Even though he’s far past exhausted, Souji can’t deny that the looks on his friends’ faces prove he’s not the only one, as they look nearly as weathered as the last time they left this place. “...How long, Teddie?”

“Two days,” Answers Naoto. “We knew better than to contact the police, but even I had considered it.”

“That’s impossible...” Dumbfounded, Rise looks up at Souji with tears hinting the corners of her eyes, and she doesn’t make a single attempt to avoid the hug that Teddie immediately flings her way, wrapping her arms around Teddie and shedding her own apologetic tears along with him. “I’m so sorry! I had no idea!”

All of them have their weapons out, but upon seeing such a sentimental display, and the way Souji’s neck is failing to hold his own head up all the way, they all put them away or to the side, and while the girls crowd around Rise and Teddie’s emotional forms, Kanji and Yosuke tentatively meet Souji’s side, the latter resting a hand on Souji’s shoulder.

“You okay, partner?” Yosuke questions, voice hushed. “We wanted to help, but even our glasses didn’t do much for us. We could hear you but we couldn’t see you. It was just like that time we talked to Ted through the TV, just, nothing but voices and blackness.”

Souji shakes his head, but he can’t help clenching his jaw, grimacing. “How much did you hear?”

“Uh, all of it,” Kanji admits bluntly, earning him an elbow in the side from Yosuke, who tries his best to be reassuring about it.

“I don’t know if it was everything. We heard your shadow talking to Rise, but it was--”

“Just the last one?” Souji croaks, using what little strength he has left in his voice.

“Um… We only heard one, so...” Kanji seems even more confused than the rest of them, but for some reason he can’t meet Souji’s eyes, trying his hardest to seem casual about everything but failing miserably. Souji, relieved, nods, but it takes so much energy that he just leaves his head hanging.

“We should get senpai back home,” Rise interjects, peeling Teddie’s arms from around her and pressing a hand to Souji’s back. “Senpai’s been here even longer than I have. We’ll explain later...”

There’s a chorus of agreements, and everyone heads through the usual pile of TVs one-by-one, Yosuke hanging back just to flank Souji and make sure he doesn’t end up last, a move he ends up glad he pulled, when Souji collapses the instant they hit the cold floor of the electronics department.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no update, mostly because I wanted to get further into writing before I made any more promises. I'm more certain now, but some tags and warnings have changed appropriately.

Souji doesn’t hear or feel any of it, but after a short panic, they all have him rushed to the hospital, comforted by the fact that they’re once again assured it’s nothing more than exhaustion.

That doesn’t keep them all from sticking outside his hospital room, until after Dojima and Nanako have both had their time to visit. Nanako remains perfectly cheerful, reminding them all that she was once that tired and came home happy as ever, and it’s her smile, accompanied by Dojima’s strong nod and ruffle of her hair that has some of the tension releasing from all of their shoulders.

Rise explains to everyone exactly what the two of them went through, and along with Teddie, they try to fill in the gaps that neither of them were there to witness. There’s curiosity abound about what Souji’s shadow had to say about each of them, but all Rise does is smile and promise them that once he’s better, Souji should be ready to have a private conversation with each of them.

After some prodding, and a mild threat from Dojima, the doctors agree to let Souji’s friends visit him, but only as long as no more than two of them are in the room at once. So one at a time, they enter Souji’s room and give him their best wishes, each making sure not to take more than a few minutes out of respect both for each other, and for the doctors who have unfortunately become familiar with all of them.

Rise hangs back, intending to wait until everyone else has left, but when she and Yosuke are the last two in the hallway, and the others have all trickled out and left for home, he pulls Rise aside, voice hushed and grumbling as he unabashedly asks her with great favor, if she would mind if he hung back and waited until after she’d left.

Surprised, Rise blinks at him, but after everything he heard, she can’t say doesn’t understand, and Rise offers Yosuke a kind smile and a pat on his hand, before she enters Souji’s room.

Yosuke wants more than anything to listen, so much that his foot bounces anxiously as he holds himself on the bench farthest from the door as possible, but he can’t shake the knowledge that he wouldn’t want anyone spying on him during a private moment like that, so he tightens his fists and grits his teeth, resisting every urge to eavesdrop despite his curiosity.

Eventually, Rise emerges again, leaving the door to Souji’s hospital room just slightly ajar, sauntering up to Yosuke and folding her hands behind her back, her smile wider. “He looks fine!” she chirps, bouncing on her heels. “He’s just sleeping Yosuke-senpai, so there’s no need to be worried.”

“I’m not worried! It’s just...” Yosuke’s defensiveness soon fades into shyness, and he rubs at the back of his neck, glancing up at Rise under his bangs. “It’s weird, isn’t it? Seeing him like this...”

He means more than just his health.

Ever understanding, Rise grins and places a hand on Yosuke’s arm, finger curling against the curve of the inside of his elbow. “I think we all kind of forgot he was human, huh?”

It stings for some reason, and Yosuke winces, crossing both of his arms over his chest, hesitating with each of his thoughts to the point where none of them seem appropriate. He does swallow a little pride though, and with his hand on the door, he pauses and offers her a plea, “Rise, would you mind waiting for me? I’m really sorry… I won’t be long, I promise.”

Rise blinks again, but her apologetic smile turns into an earnest, friendly one, and she laughs behind a loosely fisted hand. “Sure, Yosuke-senpai. Take as long as you need.”

He feels better after hearing that, so Yosuke enters Souji’s room with lightened shoulders, even though he gets an uneasy feeling in his stomach seeing his best friend lying there, machines beeping around him, and Yosuke considers it a small victory that he doesn’t appear to be hooked up to any of them.

“Hey partner,” he laughs nervously, hovering in the doorway for a long moment before he slides into the chair that’s been set at Souji’s bedside, and he can feel the comforting warmth of all its previous visitors the moment his bottom hits it. “Nanako-chan is so much stronger than all of us combined… She was smiling when she walked out of here, can you believe that? She has so much belief in you that it’s like she’s happy to see you proving how fast you’ll get better...”

Yosuke’s fingers tap against his own knees, and he can’t decide whether it feels more embarrassing to be talking like this if Souji can hear him, or if he can’t.

“Um… Ahem. I kind of need to apologize to you… All of us… Especially me. We...we took advantage of you being our leader and forgot that you were with all of us for a reason. We all needed you but you wouldn’t have been with us if you didn’t need something too, right? But I had no idea…” Yosuke swallows thickly, hands on his knees balling themselves into tight fists, his head down and mouth frowning, a sense of guilt washing over him that he hasn’t felt in a while. “I know they’re shadows for a reason. If we were open and accepting of them from the start, then they wouldn’t exist in the first place. But still I… I feel like if I’d been a better friend and paid more attention to how you were feeling, I would’ve known more… I don’t know. I know I’ve told you you could come to me but I never really _asked_.”

Yosuke bumps the tip of his nose with his thumb and knuckle, pointedly looking off to the side when his eyes hover on Souji’s face too long for comfort. “God, this is so damn embarrassing. Look, I just wanted to tell you your shadow, er… You were wrong. We do still need you. We always will. And hell, even if we ever don’t, we’re always going to want you around. Forget need, okay? We _want_ you. I...do. Isn’t that better? Stop worrying about being needed and take a look around at how many people want you in their lives. Even if they didn’t need a thing from you they’d still want the hell out of you. Uhh, it’s… Jeez, you’re not even awake and I can’t look at you.”

But Yosuke looks around, and they are truly alone, the door closed and the sun nearly set, not a sound to be heard outside of Souji’s heart monitor and some distant chatter from nurses down the hall. Even Souji isn’t fully present, as far as Yosuke is concerned, and he knows this is the most private moment he may ever experience. Long huff, Yosuke lifts and arm and hovers a shaky hand over Souji’s, staring narrow into the wall behind him as he gently drops it, palm sweating as he lays it over the back of Souji’s hand.

“Even if you were awake, you wouldn’t be making fun of me… I don’t get how you can be so casual with this stuff, dude. I feel like my hand’s on fire.”

He feels himself sweating more just saying that, if that’s even possible, but it’s mere seconds later that he feels the hand being pulled from under him, and before he knows that’s happening, Souji is pushing himself into an upright position with one hand and gripping Yosuke’s with the other. “Better or worse?” he strains, his voice raspy and hoarse, but otherwise bright as ever.

“Souji!” Yosuke calls, louder than should be okay for this time of day, unconsciously throwing his arms around Souji’s body in a warm hug, forcing the air out of Souji’s lungs and causing him to cough through a laugh, eyes wide as he pats Yosuke’s back.

“W-well, that was a surprise.”

Yosuke instinctively jerks back, face beet red as he sinks back down into his chair and suddenly regrets cutting his hair and leaving himself with so little bangs to hide behind. “Sorry… I guess I was more worried about you than I realized.” Souji opens his mouth to retort, a smirk across his face suggesting the content without Yosuke having to guess, but Souji doesn’t get a chance to say anything before he coughs again, and Yosuke is quick to pat his back, curling in his fingers to suppress the urge to reach for Souji’s hand again. It’s so close, after all. Offensively tempting. But Yosuke resists, and opens his mouth instead. “I should probably go tell everyone you’re okay. And you should keep resting, so you can get out of here as soon as possible. You and the others are leaving really soon, and I know they want to spend time with you, you know, outside of a hospital room, heh.”

Souji grins, but with a hand rubbing his aching throat, he only nods in response, made relatively shy by Yosuke’s sudden outburst of affection and finding that his physical condition is a convenient excuse for not having the proper words to offer in reply.

“Good,” Yosuke sighs, relieved, and ignores his temptations, waving a good-bye as he leaves Souji’s room and heaves a long, deep sigh once he reaches the other side of the door and closes it. “Oh, crap,” he realizes audibly, remembering that he’d left Rise waiting for him all this time and racing to the bench, where he finds her fast asleep, resting on her folded jacket as a makeshift pillow. “Rise-san~” he whispers, hand tapping her shoulder and waking her gently, and Rise lightly jerks away, rubbing her eyes with a yawn.

“Yosuke-senpai? Huh, I fell asleep...” In her daze, she allows Yosuke to collect her jacket and put it on her, eyes adjusting to the light again, and Yosuke feels so guilty, having made Souji priority and forgotten that Rise had been inside that place with him. Of course she’d be exhausted. Kneeling down in front of her, his back facing her in front of her knees, he speaks in a hushed voice, “Wrap your arms around me. I was going to walk you home no matter what, but this seems better.”

“Huh?” Rise stares, but after a few seconds and Yosuke’s refusal to look at her – _he’s embarrassed,_ and she knows it– she does exactly as requested and wraps her heavy arms around Yosuke’s neck, finding herself instantly lifted up onto his back, the back of her knees caught in his hands, and Rise feels surprisingly secure. “Thank you, Yosuke-senpai,” she hums.

Yosuke keeps silent for a long time, leaving the hospital and traveling down the road towards the tofu shop, unable to deny that he feels a strange sort of pride when he thinks Rise’s fallen asleep on his shoulder, happy to know he isn’t totally useless at this sort of thing. There aren’t many people out walking around at this hour – thankfully so – and the few that Yosuke does pass on the way are old enough to see Rise as the heiress of Marukyu, if they recognize her at all. It’s humbling, in a way, being reminded that he considers himself a friend of Rise’s more than he’d consider himself friend of Risette’s.

“Yosuke-senpai,” Rise yawns, interrupting the silence as Yosuke turns down the street towards the shopping district. “You love Souji-senpai, don’t you?”

Were he not weighed down by a full person on his back, Yosuke would have surely tripped over the words, but instead he just sputters and chokes, tightening his grip on Rise’s legs when he almost drops her out of shock. Rise laughs.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to hide it from me. I like him too.”

“Everyone knows that,” Yosuke scoffs, earning him an attempted kick in the side from Rise, but his position has him conveniently in control of that, so she doesn’t get much further than a playful wave of her foot. “I’m just saying! You’re not exactly subtle...”

Pouting, Rise tightens her grip around Yosuke’s neck, truthfully not intending to choke him, but reminding him that she could if she really wanted to. “You’re one to talk. You think you’re subtle, _partner_?” She can hardly get past her sputtering giggle when she says it, but the look on Yosuke’s face when he turns to her, scandalized, makes it totally worth it.

“There’s nothing weird about that!” Yosuke squeaks, earning him a knowing nod and grin from Rise, and as he finally arrives in front of her shop, he crouches all the way down to street level so she can hop off smoothly.

“I know. You’re a really good guy, Yosuke-senpai,” She beams, her body obviously sluggish but her smile bright as ever, her feet dragging as she steps in towards Yosuke when he stands and straightening out his coat where she’d wrinkled it in all of her fussing. “So I don’t think I’d mind sharing with you.”

“Sharing?” Yosuke’s eyebrow curls, so hard it forms a question mark with the curve of his cheek below it, his eyes staring and heart racing, realizing belatedly that as close as he’s gotten to Rise, they’re rarely alone like this.

“Souji-senpai,” she says plainly, both hands hooked into the flaps of Yosuke’s coat and curling against the seams, and she rocks on her heels, confidence shaken. “If we both feel strongly about him… I like you, Yosuke-senpai. Not like th--”

“Yeah, you don’t have to say it,” Yosuke grumbles, heel scuffing the pavement beneath them in retreat. “I know what you meant...”

Rise pulls her lips into her mouth and bites down on them, a knowing half-nod in understanding of Yosuke’s insecurity in that department, after witnessing his interactions with Yukiko in all the time she’s known the both of them. “So what do you say? Or would you rather have him all to yourself? Because I have to tell you, in that case this would be a competition, and I wouldn’t hold back...”

Yosuke stares at Rise, mouth agape and brow furrowed, every muscle in his body tightening as he watches her in disbelief. But she’s serious, and Yosuke isn’t sure what to do with all of this at once; his feelings are newly-acknowledged, and he isn’t even sure how Rise could possibly know about that, but the idea of _Souji_ , and being with Souji, is so fresh in his mind that he has no way of processing it so quickly, let alone analyzing his inner jealousy and wondering if he’d be able to share _anyone_ , let alone his best friend. He can’t let the specifics escape him though, as this is Risette here, a girl he’s had the privilege of knowing as both an idol he loved and admired, and as a friend he respects and cherishes. His thoughts take him too long to work through, and Rise has gotten too skilled at reading all of his hesitation.

“He likes you, you know,” Rise sighs, eyes downward, and it’s so sudden that Yosuke can’t even register the meaning of it before Rise’s throwing up her hands with a harsh clearing of her throat. “I don’t know if I should say that. He didn’t say much, but I’d say there are definitely some feelings there… I should be letting him tell you this, though!”

Yosuke blinks. “So...why _are_ you telling me?”

If the mood was serious before – Yosuke would surely argue that it was – this is when it takes an even harsher turn down that road, and Rise’s expression turns soft and distant at the same time. “Because… If you know that, you have every reason to take senpai for yourself too, right? If I kept that information to myself, I’d feel like I was trying to keep you from doing it and that wouldn’t be fair of me.”

“R-rise...” Yosuke blinks some more.

“Ugh!” Rise huffs and stomps her feet in brief frustration, immediately regretting it and plopping herself down on the steps. “And now by telling you that, I feel like I’m guilting you into _not_ doing that… But I swear I’m not!”

“Rise, I know!” Yosuke’s never been good at being the calm one – notoriously bad at it, actually, but he’s never seen Rise quite so flustered before, and he doesn’t know what else to do but sit right down next to her, huddled close in the cold. “I know, Rise. I never would’ve thought you’d do...any of that, hah. You’re too sweet.”

“Wow. You’re sweet too.”

“Don’t sound so surprised...”

“I’m not.” Rise shakes her head, hair shaking down over her shoulders, curls from earlier in the day completely loosened by now. She turns pensive, eyebrows wrinkling like they do whenever she’s mad, but her frown indicates something else entirely, something more internally conflicting.

“Rise?”

“How do you feel about me, senpai?”

“Wh-what?! I--” Yosuke’s shock is unsurprisingly exaggerated, butt slipping right off the top step and onto the second one. That only makes things more convenient for Rise though, as she scoots towards him and presses a kiss to his lips like it’s nothing.

“I said, how do you feel about me? How did that make you feel?”

Yosuke attempts to push himself onto his feet, but his legs are so weakened from the intense rush of embarrassment he’s feeling rushing all the blood to his face, and he doesn’t make it any further than a single scoot away. “What’s that supposed to mean? And what was that for!”

Calm on a level that has Yosuke confused beyond belief, Rise shifts closer to him once more just to fill the space he’d just created, her hands now resting on her knees just in case he was worried about them. “I was serious about my proposal. But it would only work if we were on the same page about where we stand with each other too.”

The logic is sound, but Yosuke’s thoughts haven’t really caught up enough to see it so clearly yet, and when he opens his mouth, all that comes out is a string of stutters that don’t make anything remotely resembling a coherent thought. But Rise knows this side of him by now, and is patient enough to wait it out while he fumbles around, watching him carefully and pleading with her eyes. When he does get over the initial heart palpitations and repeatedly changing temperatures in his face and hands, Yosuke takes a few breaths and turns to her. “If you had done that when we first met, it would have been so different, but… Weird. It was totally like Rise just kissed me.”

“That is who just kissed you!”

“I mean! Not Risette. Totally _Rise_. My friend Rise.”

Yosuke pulls at the sleeve of his jacket, so surprised by that realization that it has him contemplating more things about him than when exactly that change happened. Rise instead is feeling something else entirely, a loud squeal escaping her as she throws both of her arms around Yosuke and traps him in a paralyzing hug. “I’m so happy!” He’s blushing, but Rise pays no mind to that and tightens her hug. “You’ve really grown up, Yosuke.”

“Where did ‘senpai’ go all of a sudden!?” Yosuke’s voice raises an octave beyond his control, but the dim streetlamps remind him that he shouldn’t be yelling at this time of night and he’s quick to swallow the lump in his throat that holds its place until Rise finally lets go of him.

“We’ve just entered a new phase in our friendship. I don’t think we need that silly thing anymore.”

“But you still call Souji ‘senpai’ don’t you?”

Rise puts some thought into that. “For the time being, it’s just you. I guess we share something special now.”

Yosuke likes the sound of that. Secretly, Rise does too. But there’s a calm that falls over the both of them once the moment has come and passed, and Rise’s proposition, and all of her reasons for making these bold moves in the first place, assume their place as the elephant in the room.

“ _Yosuke_ ,” Rise uses it more poignantly. “I think Souji-senpai needs us right now. Both of us.”

“What makes you think he’d even be into that?” Yosuke pales, hand reaching behind his neck. “I know he acts like a ladies’ man sometimes but it’s not because he’s the kind of guy that would cheat.”

“It’s not cheating!” Rise stands, stomping her foot in a childish way Yosuke is sure he hasn’t seen in a long time, since their first case. “Did you think I meant two totally separate relationships? I didn’t. We’d all be on the same page. That’s why I talked to you first. You heard his shadow...”

“Do you feel guilty too,” Yosuke cuts in, face grimacing with the familiar pang of guilt. “Knowing that there was so much we didn’t know about him? I keep thinking about how maybe if I’d been a better friend he’d be better off.”

Rise sighs. “I don’t think that’s true. But either way, being in there with him, I got the feeling that no one person could’ve held all the pieces together… Aaagh, I feel weird talking about his shadow when he’s not here.”

Yosuke drops his arm with a shallow laugh. “Since we were all there to see it for a reason, it can’t be helped, right? It’s out in the open now.”

“Huh? So you and senpai talked about my shadow?”

“Of course we did,” Yosuke laughs, quickly finding himself on the receiving end of Rise’s hand, a slap to his arm startling enough that he almost misses Rise’s blush of embarrassment in place of the anger he was expecting to see. “It wasn’t like _that_! Actually, me and him didn’t talk about stuff like that much. Even when we have, it’s always about my _stuff_ and not his. I wonder why.”

“You wonder why~” Rise teases. “I know you’re best friends, but you’ve never made it easy for anyone to talk about those things, especially Kanji.”

“Hey, that was a long time ago! Kinda. Long enough...”

“It’s okay, I get it now. You were just insecure about your own sexuality so you took it out on him. It makes sense why senpai would keep quiet.”

“Rise!” Yosuke finds himself sputtering, predictably so, Rise would note, and she finds it just as easy as she always has to smile and ignore his unnecessary panic.

“It’s so like senpai isn’t it? To not care about gender at all… I guess that’s something we should’ve been able to tell without his shadow having to say it.” She kicks her feet against the step, a playful curl to her lips. “I’m moving to the city, you know, permanently. It’ll be easier to work that way instead of going back and forth all the time. Easier to see senpai too. There’s nothing to stop me from meeting up with him every free moment I have, and that’s on top of me calling him every day and texting from work.”

“Alright, alright! Are you trying to make me jealous or something?”

Rise smirks. “Is it working?”

“You’re not gonna give this up, are you?”

“Nope.”

Yosuke’s pride is both his strongest and weakest point, but unfortunately for him, Rise knows exactly how to wear it down, and it’s only so long before he has no option but to concede, especially when he can’t argue anything she’s saying. His face comes to his hands, bridge of his nose resting between his fingers and a heavy sigh weighing his whole body. “So what if I like him? You want us to just go in there and tell him?”

“Is that the first time you’ve said it out loud?” Rise grins, feeling more than satisfied when Yosuke’s face turns red and he tightens his jaw in defense. “That’s exactly what I want to do. C’mon, we’re in this together! You know senpai… What’s the worst that could happen? We all come out of it friends instead of dating? Is that so bad?”

There’s shame involved that Yosuke can’t simply push out of his mind, but otherwise, he knows Rise is right. If there’s anything he’s totally sure about when it comes to Souji it’s that nothing in this world, or even the universe, seems to be able to keep him from those he considers friends. Even when they turn out to be inhuman, or murderers, or figments of his imagination. “Not so bad,” he admits.

“Good!” Rise perks up, so brightly that anyone could be fooled into thinking she wasn’t totally exhausted after all she’s been through. With a pat to Yosuke’s shoulder, she uses him as a crutch to push up onto her feet and move towards the shop. “Tomorrow then.”

“Tomorrow,” Yosuke repeats, but as soon as Rise closes the curtain behind her, his head is in his hands and the groan in the back of his throat echoes low.

 

* * *

 

This is some kind of mess that Yosuke isn’t sure how to deal with, and in his mental anguish, he unknowingly finds himself walking the wrong direction down the shopping district, kicking a rock across the pavement and cursing when it bounces off the curb and back at his shin.

“Yosuke, is that you?” Yosuke looks up to spot Naoki lifting several boxes from out of a truck and onto the sidewalk, the struggle evident in his voice as he grits his teeth with each lift. “Mind giving me a hand?”

Yosuke is quick to do just that, even going so far as to help him move each case into the storage room in their store after the delivery truck has come and gone, even despite Naoki’s repeated assurance that he didn’t need to be all that helpful.

“This isn’t alcoholic, I promise,” Naoki smiles, handing Yosuke a soda when they both sit down on top of the crates they’d loaded in. “Thanks, I mean it, but what are you doing out here so late? Everything’s closing.”

“Ah...” Yosuke throws back a sip of his TaP. “I’m just on my way back from visiting Souji.”

Eyebrows raised, Naoki opens his phone and taps away for something. “Isn’t the hospital the other way?”

“Huh? How did you know?”

Grinning, Naoki lifts his phone and faces it towards Yosuke, displaying a picture of Souji sitting up in his hospital bed with a tired but genuine smile, as he holds up a newspaper with a picture of Naoki standing right in front of their shop, and though it’s too small for Yosuke to read the contents, he has to admit it’s not what he focuses on.

“He looks so happy...” Yosuke wrinkles his brow.

“Shouldn’t he be?” Naoki raises just one eyebrow this time, pulling his phone back and taking a curious look at the picture again, as if Yosuke seems to be seeing something he isn’t.

“No, uh, of course he would, it’s just...” Yosuke is often at a loss for words around Naoki. As close as they’ve all gotten to him, it never felt right to tell Naoki about the TV world. It never felt right to tell anyone at all, but with Naoki, there’s always been an extra layer, with the knowledge that his close connection to the case would’ve been hard to get past. It’s a lingering thought whenever they’re around him, not to mention it, and it’s for that reason that Yosuke finds himself unable to address why Souji’s really in the hospital, and why Yosuke’d be questioning his happiness seemingly out of nowhere.

“I get it,” Naoki smiles after a moment, using his touch screen to zoom in on Souji’s face in the photo. “Do you want me to send you this picture? I guess it is kind of cute.”

“Wh--” Yosuke has to set his drink down for that one. “What makes you think I…!” His voice jumps half an octave, but Naoki is as calm as ever when he blinks at him, and Yosuke gathers all of the frustration of the day into one heavy sigh, pushing it out with a groan. “How does everyone know? I didn’t even know!”

“Let me guess,” Naoki muses. “It started when he lived here, but you always figured it would eventually go away. And as anyone with experience could have predicted, it didn’t?”

“Something like that.”

Naoki nods. “You’re not going to tell him, are you?”

“I was going to,” Yosuke hesitates. “Rise told me to since she also, uh, does.”

“Really?” Naoki brightens, shifting his legs around the crate and facing Yosuke directly. “That’s weird… I never would have thought that was true.”

“What? She’s totally obvious!”

“That’s exactly what I mean,” Naoki nods. “It’s so much easier to act and speak that way when you don’t mean it than it is when you do. She’s so affectionate, I thought it was just a weird part of her personality. You always kind of freak out about it. That makes it seem like it’s genuine but either you don’t want it to be or you’re not ready for it.”

“Not ready for what…?” Yosuke nervously sucks in his bottom lip.

“Hm? That’s not my business.” Oddly, Naoki laughs at that, but he seems to be enjoying this for some reason. “Souji-senpai’s not very good at telling people what he wants, but I don’t think that means he doesn’t know. So I think it wouldn’t be fair of you to ask him to accept your wishes when you aren’t even sure yourself what they are.”

“Huh.”

Yosuke goes quiet for a while. As different as they are, there’s something about Naoki that has always reminded Yosuke of Souji, the way they both seem to see right through people. Naoki’s always used that to his advantage, but he’s a lot more straightforward and realistic with his intentions than Souji manages to be. Perhaps it makes sense, why they ended up being such good friends.

“You two are a dangerous combination,” Yosuke laughs half-heartedly, crossing his arms over his chest as he stands firmly on both feet and looks Naoki head-on. “I guess I have a lot to think about. Can we keep this between us?”

“Of course,” Naoki smiles, and Yosuke believes him, even when Naoki immediately pulls out his phone, only to lead to a vibration from Yosuke’s pocket, and Yosuke pulls out his own phone to see that same picture of Souji’s smiling face.

“Oh _god_ ,” Yosuke grumbles when his stomach clenches at the sight of it. “Good- _bye_!”

The pounding from his chest is loud enough to keep much else out, but Yosuke swears he hears Naoki chuckling as he walks away.

 

* * *

 

In the morning, Yosuke turns on his phone to find a message from Rise: ‘i _feel like_ _im_ _truly friends w_ _u_ _now_ _y_ _osuke_ _~~~_ _so_ _i_ _fnd_ _this_ _pic_ _i_ _took backstage._ _e_ _ven_ _s_ _enpai never saw this one, so cherish it!!!'_ The attached picture is as cute as could be expected, and any other day, Yosuke would be thrilled, but after spending his entire night thinking about Souji and about Naoki’s words, the sight of Rise’s picture just has him feeling guilty.

He’s able to drag himself out of bed and past Teddie’s prodding questions about why Yosuke was asleep so early last night and why he’s already leaving again despite not having work today, and if he can come along to visit sensei too. The last one, Yosuke denies outright.

He trudges his way through breakfast uneventfully, dodging all questions about his plans for the day and eventually shoving the last of his meal into his cheeks and using his full mouth as an excuse not to talk. That’s less than flattering, when he opens the front door only to find Rise standing there with the brightest smile on her face that Yosuke thinks he’s ever seen.

It’s too early for this.

“Why?” is all Yosuke says, but Rise isn’t deterred, outright chipper in her enthusiastic reach for Yosuke’s hand and shameless in her threading of their fingers.

All at the same time, it’s both the longest and shortest walk he’s ever taken; his feet feel like they’re being dragged across a desert but it’s over so fast Yosuke swears he blinks right through it. He’s never known Rise not to talk, so he can only guess that he missed whatever it was she was saying, but all of a sudden he’s standing in front of Souji’s hospital room, and Rise’s tugging on the sleeve of his arm, asking--

“Are you ready?”

“Huh?” Yosuke stares back at her smiling face, the room number of Souji’s room looming over her head behind her, and something twists in his stomach, with Naoki’s words echoing through his head.

There’s guilt, and shame, and more guilt, in Yosuke’s gut. His ears are red and his palms are sweating, and before he has a chance to think on it, he pulls his arm out of Rise’s hand, wiping his wet palms on his pants and shaking his head.

“I can’t...do this.” He states plainly, and it’s the most confident he’s felt in a while. “It’s not right.”

The look on Rise’s face makes Yosuke even queasier than he already was. Disappointment, he expected, but there’s a foreign sense of worry. Maybe fear. Yosuke isn’t certain, but he is sure of the way her lip tightens when she tries to speak, “Is it because of me?”

“No, it’s… It’s not you, it’s me. No, wait that sounds like something else, ugh, it’s… I’m not ready to, uh...” Frustrated, and still unable to say it outright, Yosuke waves his hand in the direction of Souji’s room behind them with an exasperated huff, hoping that gets the point across.

It seems to. Rise’s quick to soften her worry, but the disappointment doesn’t leave. Yosuke recognizes disappointment. He’s lived it. He’s embodied it. He feels it.

“I’m not asking you to stop,” Yosuke interrupts both of their unspoken thoughts. “I just can’t.”

“I don’t understand,” Rise drops her arms, dejected, and takes a step back. “Are you trying to tell me you don’t have feelings for him after all? Because I won’t really belie--”

“I do,” Yosuke interrupts quietly. “Strong enough that I want to be able to give him more than the mess that’s in my head right now...”

Rise takes another step back, both hands crossing behind her, and though she smiles, her eyelids and head both drop. “You really did mature, Yosuke. More than I thought.” She sighs. “Maybe too much...”

“How do you mean?” Yosuke asks, and Rise calmly reaches for his sleeve again, this time to pull him onto the bench outside Souji’s room, sitting down next to him.

“Honestly,” Rise whispers. “I thought you’d be mad at me, for going in there with senpai.”

“I was pissed,” Yosuke snaps, a bit too suddenly, nudging Rise affectionately in the side when she jerks back. “Not at you. At him. He knows how I feel about him pulling shit like that in the first place, so at first I thought he went with you just to avoid telling me...”

“At first?” Rise echoes.

“Then I heard what his shadow said, about you being the only one he knew wouldn’t change their mind about him after seeing all that… Right up until hearing that I was ready to punch him, and then I just felt guilty instead like it was my fault I didn’t seem accepting enough.”

“Souji-senpai’s a confident guy, Yosuke, but no one can be confident all the time. Everyone has fears and insecurities, even him.”

“Yeah...”

Yosuke sighs, and he starts to slump down in his seat, but he can’t stop his heel from anxiously tapping on the floor, so aggressively that eventually it’s too annoying to leave alone, and he shoots up onto this feet again.

“Three days!” He growls, quickly hushed. “Three days he left me wondering what happened to him and where he was and then I had to find out h--”

“It wasn’t just you,” Rise says as she stands. “Everyone was in the same position as you were.”

“It’s different! It’s me, he’s my p--” And then Souji opens the door, looking as bright and healthy as ever, and Yosuke can’t help but let out a sigh of relief. “Partner.”

“What are you two doing here~?” Souji asks playfully, obliviously, and Rise knowingly excuses herself with a kind smile and assurance that she’ll be waiting for the both of them outside. Although that leaves Souji somewhat bewildered, Yosuke balls his fists and takes his chance while it’s standing right before him.

“Three days,” he repeats sternly. “I spent three days not knowing where you were only to find out you were hiding something that important from me.”

“Yosuke,” Souji steps in. “I had no idea it’d been that long. For all I knew it was still the morning I first went in. You know time’s weird in there, I couldn’t keep track.”

Yosuke lets him finish, but it doesn’t make him any more accepting of the explanation. “Be honest,” he pleads. “Even if that’s what had happened and you came right back, would you have told me where you were, and what happened? Or would you have kept it to yourself?”

Souji goes quiet, tightly gripping the hem of his sleeve as he looks downward, and as far as Yosuke is concerned, that’s more than enough of an answer.

“I thought so,” he quips. “Look I don’t know what I did to make you feel like you couldn’t open up to me all the way… No that’s… I have an idea of what I might’ve done.”

“You didn’t do anything, Yos--”

“No, don’t do that,” Yosuke begs. “I know you didn’t want us to hear all that, but we did. I’ve always known you were bottling shit up and I let you. I shouldn’t have. And if you think I’m gonna just forget this happened and let you go back to pretending, you’re wrong.”

“Oh,” Souji says, but that’s _all_ he says, and the still emptiness in the air that follows amplifies the ticking of the clock down the hall. It’s a sound Yosuke can’t forget, from the last time they all stood in these halls, yelling and crying and hurting.

The reminder of the past alone is enough to make Yosuke livid, but here they stand again, with Souji’s pride and internal repression having significantly contributed to him ending up in a hospital bed of his own, as far as Yosuke is concerned. It’s worse, being shut out a second time.

He'd put his life on the line for Souji, as many times as he has to. He’s proven it, and he’d prove it again. But though Yosuke would pride himself on being able to pull back so many of Souji’s masks, in times like these he feels blockades up between them that even he can’t break down.

Not like this. Not when Souji won’t let him.

“It’s not fair,” Yosuke mutters aloud, lifting a hand to reach for Souji’s arm but pulling it back with hesitation in his tingling fingers at the last second. “When I said we were partners I meant it. It’s a two-way street but so far you haven’t let me do a whole lot of the driving...”

He’s sort of proud of that metaphor, but a hand on his shoulder reminds him how focused he needs all of his feelings to be right now. “You’re right,” Souji agrees, fingers curling and tightening into the fabric of Yosuke’s shirt, forcing Yosuke’s head up and an instinctive mirrored hand settles on Souji’s shoulder across from him.

“Look don’t start getting all emotional right now, I’m not here to punch you this time. That’s a step towards being equals we already took. But it’s never gonna feel like we’re really there until you figure out how to let me in without making me tear down all the walls first. I’ve only got a sledgehammer and you need a damn bulldozer...”

They both laugh softy, and Souji’s is self-deprecating, but Yosuke knows exactly what to do with that. His pull on Souji’s shoulder is rough, but the swift hug he traps him is worth it even with tightened fists against his back instead of the hands he probably deserves. Yosuke’s not quite there yet.

“At least me,” Yosuke sighs. “I know it’s hard for you to let people in, but if you can’t let your partner in, who can you?”

“That’s what being partners means, right?” Souji’s arms come to rest against Yosuke’s back, and for a few seconds, Yosuke allows himself to enjoy this, a secret test of some other undisclosed desires fitting right along with the ones he’s expressing so appropriately.

“So,” Yosuke pulls back. “Until then, we’re not...fully partners, are we?”

The color leaves Souji’s face, and his voice. “What?”

“Just what I said,” Yosuke takes two steps back, and then another. “We owe it to each other to be on the same page. When you’re ready to let me in, I’m gonna be right here waiting to do the same for you.”

“Wait, Yosuke--” The panic sets in on Souji’s face, and this much Yosuke recognizes as genuine, the breaking of a facade, and in a way, it’s exactly what he wants, but it isn’t enough, not after all this time.

“Don’t keep me waiting long, okay?” Yosuke smiles somberly as he walks backwards, and it takes every fiber of his being, but he resists every urge to turn back once he breaks his gaze and manages to put his back to Souji.

_Please follow me_ , begs a part of him. _Please don’t_ , requests another.

He ultimately finds a third option, when he meets eyes with Rise, patiently waiting outside the hospital exactly as she said she would be.

“Take care of him,” Yosuke says, and as biting as the words are, as disingenuous as they feel on his lips, the both of them know exactly how much he means it.


End file.
